30 June 2014
Notes on Eric Cantor
This is just, like crazy, man. Second most powerful Republican in the House stomped in the primaries? This can't be happening. Must have been a bad hot dog at the ball game....But how?
Must have been huge amounts of TEA Party money coming in. Nope, the national groups spent exactly (lemme double check the numbers). FUCKALL. Not one shiny penny.
Well then, huge amounts of out-of -state money must have tilted the playing field. Damn, 0 – for – 2.
There must have been like HUGE sacks of money spent, right? Foul tip keeps the batter in the box. Yes, big bucks. Brat spent $200k. Cantor spent $5.4 m The winner was outspent 27 to 1. The loser had been assured of a walkaway landslide. Polls showed him leading by 37 to 45 percentage points. That's why candidate funding control is so goddam important, right?
Count's still 0 – and – 2. Pitchout to catch the Rino's runner on first leaning: This was all an anti-Semitic thing because Joooo. Runner holds, count's now 1 – and – 2.
Fake to hold the lead Donkey at third. The crowd grows anxious.
Fastball down the middle: Give the voters what they want! Swing and a miss and you're out.
And it's really that simple. Cantor gave up his voter base by becoming a D.C, insider. Realpolitik. Go along to get along. Root for the Redskins and the Orioles, and not the home team. Try to play long ball and forget about protecting home plate. There were countless opportunities to play little ball. Yogi Berra was a master of that – Foul off a grounder. High tip. Foul out of play. Occasionally knock the hide off the sucker. But you, Eric, just stood there at the plate and went down on called strikes, with your bat on your shoulder, hoping for a compromise with the umpire.
You played in the Big Leagues. That's enough to get you a job a a coach in the Minors, maybe. Get a gig doing color commentary. Do some radio ads for used car dealerships. If you're lucky you might get a beer distributorship, or schill for Personal Injury ambulance chasers.
And, to tell you the truth, Brats sell well at ballgames.