14 November 2015

'Cause Johnny Cash

You thought you had a heart.  Just had it ripped out.  Me too. 

07 November 2015


I have made no secret that I live in Houston, or that I am a Libertarian, or that I went to Rice University.

I smoked reefer with Annise Parker and with Lisa Gray, who-is-but-isn't an editor of the Houston Chronicle.

I remember that about that time there was a great push for parity in Women's Bathrooms. It seemed that instead of 1:1 parity on sewer connections, JUSTICE required something like 1:1.6 M/F ratio, 'cause guys could just whip it out but the Fempersons had to sit, leading to an early version of the Occupy movement. Women would block the doors to protect their fellow warriors who needed to piss.

Can't have men in here, you understand.

29 October 2015

The Donald

I don't like him.  He's a narcissist on the order of the current office holder.  He abuses his contacts,  the bankruptcy laws, the Eminent Domain laws, and is probably the only man to lose money operating a casino, and has actually lost money by any reasonable standard, .

You, Sir, are a Narcissist.  Your properties must shout your name.

You, Sir, are a rent seeking bottom feeder

You, Sir, are  a Deadbeat. 

You, Sir, are a thief of other's property

You, Sir,  are ugly, tactless, tasteless, well-over-the-borderline sociopath, and personally vain.

You, Sir, are a balloon so full of himself that were your asshole not tied into a knot you would explosively deflate.

You, Sir, have such a small penis that the women you wed are bound by pre-nuptial agreements not to mention it.

"SLAP".  Here is my glove, Sir.  (Drops glove).
Have your seconds get in touch with mine..

I Got Me A Neighbor

He's got back problems, caused by jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. Broken neck, broken back, shattered collarbone, broken scapula. No family anywhere near to help him. He tells me that I'm his only friend, and if that's the case then boy is he fucked.

He goes to the VA Hospital here in Houston, and seems to get prompt and responsive service, so far as I can tell. His back injuries entail upon him an unnatural gait which will lead to a hip rebuild. Now I am not a doctor, but my father is, and a damn good one. Sitting in the shoe department of Sears Robuck he taught me limps from the ankle, knee and hip.

My neighbor limps from the neck down. Broken neckbones pinch on spinal cord. Truth? I have no idea if he were going for SOF or just mandatory static cord jump. He tried, which is a hell of a lot more than I would have done. (Eta service in Grenada, Panama, and Desert Storm).

I'm trying to get him one of those “LifeLine” Telephones. Maybe some maid service.

Well, I got him the phone, but I need to get a medical opinion from the VA to get the service thingie. Persistance will prevail.

14 October 2015

Walking With A Cane

That's what I'm doing now.  Getting down the little Charlie Chaplin wrist move. 

There's a reason for that - keeps the elbow at a more or less constant angle, rather than pushing off on every step.  Plus it looks stylish.

Big Blue Compilation

(Sorry to have been gone so long. In penance, herewith the legendary Big Blue comment thread.)

The Great Cookie Monster Thread, slightly edited to avoid the SJW shit,and with an attempt to CM very own A by deleting some links:

Larry Correia Except Cookie Monster. Because that dude is a straight up hard core operator... Conservative too.
August 23, 2012 at 11:49am

Larry Correia And Cookie Monster is in favor of teaching war rather than reading. The dude is a freaking killing machine. He was in my mercenary company in Bosnia. I saw Cookie Monster massacre a whole village once... We paid him in cookies.
August 23, 2012 at 11:52am

Larry Correia It was after the village massacre in Sbrzjkhginvinia that Cookie Monster got on that weird health kick where he only ate vegetables. I think he just saw too much killing. It can change a puppet... He was messed up, riddled with PTSD. His nightmares were of blood... and cookies...
August 23, 2012 at 11:57am

And the the party starts.

Travis Beck That crazy blue bastard has a huge switchblade that he named "Snickerdoodle". The things he uses it for...not even Oscar deserves that!
August 23, 2012 at 11:59am

Larry Correia But then we pulled Cookie Monster out of retirement. Zubara was heating up. We needed his particular set of skills. Part of me feels guilty... I'm the man that put that bag of snickerdoodles in front of him. I'm the one that dragged him back in. I remember, when he looked at me with his big, sad, googley eyes and said "COOKIE? ME LIKE COOKIE? ME KILL TERRORISTS. NOM NOM NOM NOM." and the next thing I knew, we were sitting on a rooftop, watching bad guys through the twenty power scope on top of a Barrett M82...
August 23, 2012 at 12:00pm

Travis Beck Don't forget about that firefight outside of Macaroon. The way he went after that former Selous Scout because he can't stand crackers, that was messed up.
August 23, 2012 at 12:04pm

Larry Correia Our biggest problem in the field was that his bright blue fur stuck out in the desert... There isn't much stealth when C.W. is working. We'd roll up fast. Hit the enemy hard. Cookie Monster is a straight up door kicker. Man... He's quick. Last of the gun slingers we called him. I remember standing over this pile of corpses one time, and I was shaking, and I said "Why do we do this, man?" and what he said to me has lingered ever since... "C IS FOR COOKIE. THAT'S GOOD ENUF FOR ME!"

Words of wisdom, man... Words of wisdom...
August 23, 2012 at 12:05pm

Larry Correia Yes. We requisitioned snuffleupagus hide from Locks Of Love.
August 23, 2012 at 12:09pm

Nick Gardner I still have nightmares about what he did for that tin of shortbread.
August 23, 2012 at 12:09pm

Travis Beck If ever a smores-eater personified "Front Towards Enemy" it was the Big C.
August 23, 2012 at 12:12pm

Travis Beck Wasn't the Shortbread Protocol developed over Macho Grande?
August 23, 2012 at 12:14pm

Philip Perrey • Travis, no, we won't ever be over Macho Grande.
August 23, 2012 at 12:20pm

Larry Correia Shortbread Protocol... It hurts to remember.

The target was a Romanian, real numbers man... Had a code name, The Count. He had the codes. We had to make him talk.

We waterboarded that puppet for hours. I can still hear their voices.

August 23, 2012 at 12:21pm

August 23, 2012 at 12:22pm • 


It was horrible... Just horrible...
August 23, 2012 at 12:22pm

Jon Summers • If Cookie Monster and Grover are the "Front line operators" ... does that mean Big bird and Snuffleupagus are the sniper team? I mean, they do already have built in ghillie suits.

I can see it now "Seal Team: Sesame Street... the mockumentary!"
August 23, 2012 at 12:26pm •

Jesse Lambert • I heard CM wore a necklace made from the oatmeal raisin cookies that he took off the dead.
August 23, 2012 at 12:27pm •

Chris Casper • I was part of NATO forces in the Balkans. I can confirm that "the Monster" was active in the region. The after action reports were... Horror. Sheer, pure horror.
August 23, 2012 at 12:27pm

Chris Casper • There are unconfirmed reports that the Monster wiped out an entire Russian outpost near Pristine. The Russians just disappeared overnight... Just vanished... Like cookies anywhere near The Monster. NATO HQ heard nothing until it was all over. It was a mountain facility, but the locals swore they could hear the screaming of the VDV. We found no traces except for gas masks and random scraps of equipment. God knows what happened in that hole...
August 23, 2012 at 12:34pm

Anthony Sadowski • I think I saw CM in the a-stan there was word of am IAF hit team terrorizing a small remote village we were told big C was handing it
Later at a shura with the tribel elders they said to thank their savior and told us they had pulled together a payment from usaid packages i never saw some many oreos and choc chip cookies in one place ever.
August 23, 2012 at 12:39pm via mobile • Like • 3

Jesse Lambert • One time CM came to me and asked if I could do an under-barrel Easy Bake oven for his M4. I said "Sure, but why?". And then he told me.

I did it because I needed the money. I tell myself that if I hadn't built it for him someone else would have. That doesn't stop the nightmares though.
August 23, 2012 at 12:41pm •• 

Nick Gardner How many others are picturing Big Bird saying "The horror?"
August 23, 2012 at 12:43pm

Nick Gardner Jon, Grover is not an operator. Didn't you ever see the films of the protests? Grover throwing his medals over the White House fence?
August 23, 2012 at 12:46pm

Larry Correia Jesse... You were the one that made EZ Bake? Man... CM would just sit there sometimes, talking to that thing like it was alive. He freaked us out sometimes.

Cookie Monster was never the same after Elmo got redacted. Torture Me Elmo some of the guys called him. C.M. never laughed at that one...
August 23, 2012 at 12:46pm •

Larry Correia Grover is a poser. Grove pisses me off. Grover is the reason we have Stolen Valor. They said we tried to Swift Boat Grover, but the only reason he got a purple heart was because HE WAS PURPLE!
August 23, 2012 at 12:47pm •  

Chris DeBoe
When the after action report includes the word "purée", you know it was Big Blue.
August 23, 2012 at 12:49pm •  

Chris DeBoe • There was the occasion in Tzfrjkistan, when I was in the 120mm mortar crew. I still can remember the call: "Fire for effect, one round, double chocolate chip..."
August 23, 2012 at 12:54pm •  

Chris Casper • Jesus, Jesse. THAT WAS YOU? Do you have ANY CLUE what you did?
August 23, 2012 at 12:54pm •  

Larry Correia Jesse, how can you sleep at night?
August 23, 2012 at 12:55pm •  

Larry Correia You should have seen what Cookie Monster did with Old EZ Bake when we invaded Nick Jr.
August 23, 2012 at 12:55pm •

Matt Sorrell • I'll never eat another sugar cookie as long as I live. I just. . . . . can't. Not with those memories
August 23, 2012 at 12:57pm •  

Nick Gardner "PTSD is terrible illness that can affect any person or puppet who's been in combat. If you suspect anyone you know is suffering from it, please, urge them to get help."

This message brought to you by the letters W, T and F, and the number 8.
August 23, 2012 at 1:08pm • 

Travis Beck CM couldn't be trusted with sensitive intel, though. Remember what happened to that laptop we found at Tora Bora? I never could get through to him that tracking cookiees weren't softbaked.
August 23, 2012 at 1:30pm • 

Peter Nealen • We had to go into a village in Zaidon after CM got through with it. The blood... the crumbs... I told myself that the bastards deserved it... Still can't get it out of my head...
August 23, 2012 at 1:44pm

Conrad Ray • Were you there when Bert got hit? We were in this little village and Bert stepped on a bouncing betty. He was down, screaming, stuffing everywhere. We're trying to hold him down, stop the bleeding and frantically calling for a medevac. Just as the helo's dusting off with Bert I see CM walk into this bakery. He didn't even go for the cookies. Just straight into the flour. He came out with it caked around his nose. His eyes were pinholes. I don't know how he didn't OD and drop right there. He started going from house to house, kicking doors and... it was bad. He did the whole village. He just kept saying, "If they didn't plant it, they know who did."

He scares the piss out of me. When he's running on cookies it's bad enough. When he goes straight on the uncut flour,.. man, I just don't want to talk about it.

The thing is, he projects this image like he's hard, like a chips ahoy. But he's got soft layers, like an oreo. I really think he's hurt by what he's seen and what he's done. Now he's damaged goods. Just the crumbs left in the bottom of the tray. Would I work with him again? I don't know. I just don't know.
August 23, 2012 at 3:00pm

John Lane • Sometimes things just don't make sense, because one thing is not like the others. Did you ever find the Rainbow Connection? I know you were deep in the swamp looking for it.
August 23, 2012 at 3:24pm •

John Lane • They waterboarded Ernie, and he gave up the double agent. "Rubber Ducky! Rubber Ducky, you're the one..." August 23, 2012 at 3:32pm

Philip Docfather Wohlrab Man I was a Medic on a CST in Iraq, we were heading over towards Al Assad and running through Fallujah. Little did we know CM had heard there was a stash of thin mints going through MSR Mobile in a bongo......There were bongo trucks everywhere all burn out and shit.....The stuff I was doing man trying to hold stuffing in..... I ran through my main aid bag and then had to hit up my secondary and the CLS bags. Biggest MASSCAL I have ever seen. We had the Dust offs coming in in waves an in waves. I just couldn't do it afterwards.
August 23, 2012 at 5:06pm

27 September 2015

The Whole VW Thing Is a Crock Of Shit

If I show up for a driving test drunk, I'll fail, right? I have to pass the test on one day, under one set of circumstances. Means I can do it that once.

Likewise my Volksperson Rabid.


24 September 2015

Kids matter

I've spent  a lot of tine with an old buddy, let's call him Rusty, cause thats what he answers to.  He has two kids, twins, 20 something, so far as I can tell.  He was living in his car when he gave me a call.  I told him "my tofu es su tofu"  and he ended up sleeping o my sofa for about a year. 

His wife chose to give birth rather than have a multiple abortion.  She died.  The children are happy and healthy but miss their mother.

Rusty's not doing so well.  Rapid Onset OldTimer's.  Watns to go to National Parks that were closed decades ago.  Can't remember his own damn address. Ask him about SQL, he's right there and on the point. 

Makes me wanna cry, and sometimes I do.  It's not drugs or drink, it's just the lack of some RNA in the brain.

But he loves his kids,  Sam and Samantha. Lovely Cafe au Lait colored.  Sharp as a whip.

23 September 2015

Good Bye Amy.

It's been long enough that the numbness has worn off a bit. Adam and Tyler did you proud. Michael and I crossed paths in the parking lot – the smoker's circle. He's got a quick draw too. Our flasks clashed on draw. He drank from his, and I from mine. Had a spare, though. Sent it down with you. Full, too.

Still have the urge to pick up the phone and tell you the news, but you won't answer. I think you would have appreciated both James and Joseph being there, Isabel showed up too, bless her heart. I said a few words at the service. Our last words were I love you and I love you too.. That's pretty much all I said.

I think it was enough, and I hope you agree. .

I love you.