A buddy of mine called me up to get
directions from Point A (where he was, about one mile from my
palatial abode, roughly two miles from the Astrodome) to Point B (way
out in fucking nowhere (Westheimer Rd and the Beltway, about 25 miles
straight line). Driving Fred Sanford's truck, without getting on
freeways, avoiding traffic, and not passing in front of police
substations.
Time to dial in some precision: “So,
dood, where perzactly are you?”
“I just passed a Starbucks”. Zero
information content. He's on a cell phone, therefore he is within
three blocks of a Starbucks. (Axiom. Plot out locations of Starbucks
versus cell phone coverage. I dare you. Some Starbucks will have curb
service for crack cocaine, some caviar food trucks, just depends on
the neighborhood)
“OK, just slide my place and we'll
look at a map, and draw it out”. I've found the map (not the good
one, but that one's old. 1952), marked origin and destination,
optimax solution already drawn with a Hi-Liter.
“No, I wanna take Pissonit (I can
never remember how to spell the street)out to the Beltway and then
come over on the feeder.” I draw his attention to his skin color
(he's a rich mahogany. Me? I'm fishbelly). “That runs you through
West University Place and the rich parts of Bella ire. You really
want to drive Fred's truck through those? Stops for “Suspicion”?
Plus it sends you about 12 miles south of where you're going?”
Phone call one hour later: “Kinda
near where I'm going, should be there in thirty minutes or so. Stuck
in traffic right now, but I'll be there soon.”
Scarybit: I used to be a Boy Scout.
So did my friend. Which one do YOU trust with a map and a compass?
(1) The Houston Metroplex is really
fucking huge. Call it about six thousand square miles, bigger than El
Lay. Take an arc based in Galveston. Run it East to Baytown, run it
South about to Victoria, give it that as a radius. Run it North to
Conroe... I underestimated.
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