13 April 2011

My Medical Adventures

I had this great post, but the damn machine ate it. You get the short version.

Me: rampaging Tuberculosis. Now completed 3 months medication.

Hospital visit: Tachycardia? No, punk rock. 10 min lower key musical fare and my pulse is down 30%. Called by "Primary care provider", who is an absolute stranger to me. Plus she's an intern (you can tell by the coats, and by the way they handle their stethoscopes. Longer coat, more senior. Hospital embroidery more senior than College of Medicine. Stethoscope carried like a talisman = junior. Head of stethoscope carried, by accident, inside cup of coffee = senior resident. "Where'd I put the damn thing" = senior staff)

Not just an intern, but one who looks as if she was about to say "Hi!, I'm Wendy, and I'll be your server today!" Nothing personal. Shje seemed perfectly professional and nearing competence. I'm sure she'll grow up to be a fine practitioner one day. As opposed to her leading resident. WHO PROBABLY TYPES IN ALL CAPS. Shouted the whole time, actually. Gave another diatribe on the eeeevils of tobacco, and how the world would be a better place if Sir Walter Raleigh had just exterminated the fumacous brutes before the habit caught on, and the eeevils of alcohol, and how it's not even a reliable sterilizing agent. He wanted to know why I had taken it upon myself to GO AND READ UP ON THE DISEASE. I told him that I had merely re-acquainted myself with some of the more recent culture media, and why were they still using the 1950 standard with a 2 month incubation period when the newer agars could breed results in half the time. Mentioned the fact that I had run a fucking clinical lab and had the same access to Wiki and all the other research tools as any other sombitch. I liked the research database at Johns Hopkins, and would he please use his indoor voice.

He'll probably end up as a rather disliked hospitalist, with ulcers and 2 Jaguars by the age of 30, and deserve them. He won't have patients, he'll have cases. Shithead. Maybe he'll grow out of it. I hope so.

Finally, returning to my case, I was asked about the dyspepsia brought on by having to swallow 20 pills in one go. I responded that I had had no relief from Tagomet, Thisomet and Thatomet (all by generic formulation names) but had found one palliative. In desperate search of medical knowledge they asked what I had found.

Baking soda. Sodium Bicarbonate. Still got the runs that accompany any heavy routine of antibiotics, but I can actually move about without severe stomach cramps.

Note to self: Phoenecia market for drinkable Greek yoghurt.

You really didn't want to know.

Good news: I should be cut back to 2 rather than 4 antibiotics starting Friday. One chance in four that it will get rid of both the hives and the cramps, but one must hope.

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