08 July 2010


Due to this-and-that I've been offline for a while. So here are a few things that should probably have stayed in beta testing a while longer:

From BCV Labs

The home of bricolage.

Earthquakes. Volcanoes. Man Made Natural Disasters In The Gulf.

Where are the flying cars speeding to the rescue? Where are the flying wing aircraft ferrying tons of aid material to succor the displaced? Where are the matter transference waves teleporting the oil slicks off the waters?

I'll tell you where they are. They're stuck up in the brainpan of Hugo Gernsback where they started. And you want to know why? Because he neglected the summit of his contemporary tech, that's why.

Not as quick as a jetpack, but with cargo capacities rivaling the biggest flying wing, and far faster than the ships of the sea, I give you the


This triumph of 19th century technology requires no harbor in which to dock nor does it need a strip on which it must land. Its containerized cargo needs no specialized handling, as it can carry within it those forklifts needed to move even the bulkiest of burdens.

Fitted with a diesel-electric turbofan motor easily retrofit to use as a stationary generator, this merchant of mercy can be deployed almost immediately. Modern mobile home and prison supply outfitters can rig cargo containers with built-in, well-nigh indestructible sanitary and cooking facilities at but a trivial cost to the overall cargo area. The very skins of the airships can be re-utilized by the application of common fiberglass resins, yielding substantial structures for use as hospitals or emergency command centers, leaving the propulsion units available for future application in further deployments.

As a first-response vehicle, the Cargo Blimp presents virtually no down side. Being as it were, sitting ducks, it is obvious that the blimps will not be carrying offensive troops. Face it, that's why we have attack helicopters. Being by and large disposable they will have little attraction as targets of benefit, and being of strictly humanitarian purpose they would be contraindicated as targets of opportunity.

Traditionally (at least since the Hindenberg), lighter-than-air craft have been supported by Helium, which is still considered a strategic material. Fortunately, early experimentation by the Mongolfier brothers has determined that the density differences induced by delta temperatures are sufficient to supply lift for quite a substantial cargo. Therefore, the prudent ducting of exhaust and cooling gases, or the presence of one (1) US Senator, or three (3) members of the House of Representatives should supply the requisite amount of hot air.

More New Stuff From BCV Labs!


All this border enforcement stuff leaves the average American unmoved. So what if we have a horde of Mexicans, Guatamalans, Nicaraguans, Costa Ricans, and other furriners swarming over our borders. At least they're not Canadians!

It's not like we want them to die in the desert as they illegally cross, having been abandoned by the coyotes they paid to sneak them past our border, is it? We're not gonna, like, shoot them as they defy the laws of our country, are we?

So we have the Predator Drones retrofit with paintball guns. They're ecologically sound, nonp-polluting, and let's use a nice safe day-glo hippie type of pigment as the payload. Nintendo kids across the nation vie for pilot positions, the border is respected, the marked are plucked from near-certain death in the desert or the barrios of Nuevo Laredo, and sent.

And tell them to stay off of my yard.

1 comment:

Red said...

"Predator Drones retrofit with paintball guns"
Brilliant idea. Fill 'em with UV paint so in case they rinse off they glow under blacklight for up to 72 hours just like pepper spray that way the policia can nab 'em!
And thanks for the birthday shout out!