Didn't I Tell You?

Okasy roops

2011-11-16T01:03:00.000-06:00

I Hate Politics

2011-11-16T00:47:00.002-06:00

Particularly during a situation where the MSM is so heavily invested. I'm an old fart. I remember Johnson's attack ads. "Where have all the flowers gone" was a political attack ad by LBJ against Barry AuH2O..

We are now expected to form a circular firing squad.

At the center we present our best and brightest.

Is that stooooooopid, or what? My money's on stoooopid

Regarding the recent lack of posts

2011-11-01T23:56:00.002-05:00

As it says in the header, if I ever get a girlfriend...

She's lovely and loving and lives way away in the woodlands of Texas, and has a lovely landscaped back yard...Waddya mean that's the golf course?

Anyway, more time AFK, and, no, there will not be videos. I'm a musician, but not a famous one.

Dream on

Damnit

2011-11-01T23:23:00.002-05:00

More funerals, fewer weddings, even fewer baptisms.

Leon Day was a trilobite, a perfectly preserved relic of another time. A gunnie, and a recognized expert in ballistics for shoulder and hand arms, often published; Trotskyite, atheist. I hadn't seen him for a quarter century.

Leon Day. He dead.

I feel the less of myself for not staying in touch. But then I always do. I just changed phone companies, and now I have to decide if I want to keep those numbers in memory.

Yeah, David, yeah John, yeah Carol, and now, Leon.

In the memory.

God Bless

I think Leon would have appreciated this:

David Wolpe, a los Angeles rabbi: “I would say it is appropriate and even mandatory to do what one can for another who is sick; and if you believe that praying helps, to pray. It is in any case an expression of one’s deep hopes. So yes, I will pray for him, but I will not insult him by asking or implying that he should be grateful for my prayers.”

I think Leon would approve.

Free at Last

2011-09-28T22:39:00.001-05:00

The 2011 Houston Astros Major League Baseball season is over. Fail will resume at Spring training.

A Naughty Boy, Me

2011-09-27T00:44:00.002-05:00

Bring the snark, er, Enlightened Commentary at this post on Brit usage polluting America's precious bodily fluids. Or something.
It's getting too late in the evening for me to focus closely n anything, so I'll give my eyes a rest until morning.
Then I may inject more snark.

Teh Stoopid, It Burnnsssss

2011-09-25T02:57:00.003-05:00

Why are cops The Only Ones who can be trusted with weapons? Seriously. I run across the argument time and time again - that Law Enforcement Officials (LEOs) are trained to higher levels of safety awareness and that they are practiced and proficient with the issue arms...

I call bullshit. From what I've read, the average cop has the weapons awareness of an 18 year old in 'Nam. Spray and pray, with the same accuracy rates found in the 'Nam - one hit for every 40 rounds discharged, and these are the "Elite"
SWAT teams. What I see instead is "innocent bystanders hurt in police shootout".

This just pisses me off. Poor gun handling by The Only Ones trained and trusted to handle firearms. Notice the finger on the trigger, inside the trigger guard. Notice the anti-gas mask being worn. Notice the look of fear on the face of the alleged perpetrator, Elian Gonzales.

I'm sick and tired of my cop friends calling me a "civilian", as if they were some special genus of their own. I'm tired of being told that I have to have a special permit to play my stereo loud. I'm tired of the punks terrorizing lemonade stands.

Something that really pisses me off is that there is still a sovereign immunity clause, which in effect says "I was just following orders" and immunizes individuals and agencies from the law.

What REALLY pisses me off, makes me feel tired and depressed, is when I that think about this I count my ammo .

Bartlett's Familiar Google

2011-09-23T15:04:00.002-05:00

A propos of nothing in particular, I recalled a line: "If I am not for me, then who will be?" Eschewing the pleasures of pulling out my treasured 1952 copy of the eponymous "Familiar Quotations" (which I now recall having given in gift to an old friend lo these many years ago), I fell back on my Google-Fu.

Ha! Dead on! Rabbi Hillel! Just as I thought!

Teh smart. I haz it.

It Just Makes Me Tired

2011-09-12T21:38:00.003-05:00

The new Obama Jobs Act, to the extent that it is known, depends on "spending cuts" to cover a roughly half-trillion dollar spending bill. Sure it will, over a hypothetical ten year framework. Just like the previous one trillion dollar stimulus bill, paid for over the same hypothetical ten years.

Lookit, people. How many of us buy a new house every three years? And don't even cash in on the old one? Or worse, raze the old one and let the ground go fallow?

This is not responsible. This is not sustainable. It can't be done without Weimer type inflation and the destruction of the economy, and it doesn't even have Kasper's Meat Market on Post Office Street. (Yexas joke).
The US cannot continue to say "It's OK, we'll pay this year's bills out over the next ten years". We're not talking about even the extraordinary emergency expenditures here. This is the dotGov financing the week's grocery bills over a ten year period.

Comes the time, as Doctor Pournelle says, to starve the beast. We're running out of Other People's Money, as the Milk Snatcher put it.

Not Happening

2011-09-12T02:09:00.002-05:00

9/11. Not gonna talk about it. You kids can find your own ways around the intertubewebs by your own damn selves. There's a reason I don't have a TV. OTOH, I had a very nice weekend.Steak Dianne Friday night, and Chicken Parm the next. Who cooked what? Enquiring minds could give a shit. My good weekend not yours. Go have your own fun.

Now I Remember!

2011-09-08T18:24:00.002-05:00

A couple months back I mentioned going to a Houston Metro "Open House" PR thing and being followed around by a Metro Police Officer (bus cop, wet day, he's there I say, "Please Be My Umbrella")

They were a-skeert of a boolit! A stray inoffensive 30-06 round that had fallen into my satchel at some unknown time before,and which I placed on the table before placing it in a pocket. Just found it in a pocket of the suit I was wearing that evening. (Yes, I do wear a suit and tie from time to time - it freaks the mundanes.)

I had been asking a lot of questions of the organization as to why the bus stop cops really NEED a SWAT team. That must make me a terrorist.

Ladies and Gentlemen, My Apologies

2011-09-01T00:10:00.002-05:00

I have just this afternoon had it confirmed that I am in fact legally blind. I blame this for the poor spelling and such in previous postings. I knew there was a reason I couldn't find my ass, even using both hands.

That Climate Thing

2011-08-26T22:22:00.003-05:00

I just don't get it. There's a huge argument going on about climate change - it's either getting warmer, or getting cooler, or both. And this is a Bad Thing.

Really? The planet has been warmer. Why, back in the Cretaceous period when I was young, there were no polar ice caps at all. Antarctica had plants and trees and dinosaurs and everything! Then later during the Ice Ages, Downtown Houston Texas was covered by a mile-thick sheet of ice, and lemme tell you that made the walks to and from school a real pain in the ass. (Still in school 100 million years later? What can I say, I'm a slow learner.)

Within recorded memory, the climate in England has ranged from Scotland being an exporter of wine (made from grapes, rather temperature sensitive plants) to packs of wolves ravaging London and roaming the frozen Thames.

What did I do to cause that? And, for that matter, what's wrong with that?

The very smart guys at Watt's Up With That have pretty much convinced me that the DOOM- and - GLOOM- sayers are being shall we say less than perfectly honest in their -saying. At the very least the contemporary surface data is wonky (I first got interested by way of ground-station anomalies, which led to the Urban Heat Island phenomenon, and so on). Then we find out that there's been a lot of apples switched for oranges in the paleodata, built-in diddle factors, and outright fabrications. WUWT has the story in more detail than I can relay here, actually in more detail than I can follow in some cases.

The -sayers make no bones about it though. They revel in the notion that theirs is a critical discovery that will doubtless be proven by others later when they can be bothered to find out the actual, like, factual facts, that they will be Vindicated in the end, because this is so all-fired IMPORTANT that temporary expediencies (like making shit up) must be forgiven.

This ain't just me talkin'. Here's a think-piece saying just that, and there are many more.

But I still don't understand why.

Is it because global warming causes air conditioning, but global cooling causes organic hand knitted sweaters and erect nipples on pretty girls? Maybe because the Noble Wolf needs more tundra in which to pursue its prey. Or maybe the Polar Bears have forgotten how to swim. Or perhaps the Scots will switch back to making wine and not whiskey? (perish the thought!)

Obviously, though, it is essential that the climate be kept exactly as it is because..., well I'm glad you asked me that. Next question, please.

Seriously. Are we actually living in a Panglossian Best Of All Possible Worlds, and the climate is the absolute Platonic ideal?

And what's with those doom and gloom dudes anyway? Do they really think that the current climate is perfect and must be protected root and branch regardless of the cost? Are they afraid that their summer places in South Padre or Majorca are going to be lost in vast sudden floodwaters? Even their doomiest and gloomiest predictions are cast in terms of inches per century. (Er, excuse me, "centimeters per point one kilo-year", and I'll be damned if I'll reverse the "er" at the end of "meter".)

If not that, then what? Is it for the girls? We all know how all the hot chicks go for those nerdy science-y dudes, with their sexy pocket protectors and Volvo station wagons, right?

No? I knew it, it's the money. All the oil companies are secretly paying them via numbered Swiss accounts, right? 'Cause the oil companies have all the secret patents on all those sooper sekrit GREEN technologies and stand to make untold gazillions of dollars in profit! But if they do have all that sooper sekrit stuff, why haven't they already turned it into gi-hugic heaps of gold-pressed latinum?

Help me out here, kids! It's not pure love of Science Sweet Science, otherwise they wouldn't have turned it on the streets as a common whore. It isn't personal protection, it's not like they are losing their beach houses or anything. It's not for sex (although there's always Rule 34). And I realio, trulio can't come up with anyone who could have the sooper sekrit GREEN tech who would need to have this kind of cover.

Mother Mary and her seven dwarves, you'd have to be some kind of Neo-Luddite who thinks that technology reached its peak with the fire-hardened pointy stick as employed by Odysseus. Ah, for the simpler days. Sustainable agriculture. Gaia-friendly wind powered transport. Human-scaled culture, where everybody knows your name. It takes a village, y'know. Typhoid, diphtheria, and death in childbirth exert a Darwinian imperative. Bathing in cold water builds character, it's a well know fact. Hell, baths just strip the skin of its natural protective oils and bacteria! But with, like, Science, you know. But just Good Science, the Gaia-friendly type.

None of those nasty hydrocarbons, coal, gas, and oil, no no no. Hand carved wooden windmills transmitting electricity through naturally occurring copper deposits. Everything will be Artisanal! Vegan diets will liberate our ~~evolutionarily challenged~~ ~~differently evolved~~ former slave species, with the added benefit of improved bowel movements!

No, they can't be that stupid. Can they?

Free Ice Cream

2011-08-21T02:11:00.002-05:00

May be thin. Amy is just a dream, and I look forward to spending more time with her, and not yo uingraters on the interwebz. No, I mean she's real, and all that. I actually held her hand. Lovely, and smart as a whip. Na na na na na na. She even agrees that my kitchen looks like shit. We'll have to work on that. (He says, looking for the scouring powder).

Sweet suffering Jesus and His Eight Tiny Reindeer

2011-08-20T08:59:00.003-05:00

The d00d lives in a muti-million dollar mansion, with hot and cold running lackeys, 24 hour catering, a really safe backyard for the kids, and he's suggested "staycations" for the hoi'piloi (that's Hawaiian for "stinking masses", BTW, to use what may be his native tongue).

Words fail me.

It's Not Like I'm Bitter

2011-08-20T08:24:00.003-05:00

But I do love me some fuck-off tunes. Written some too, and as soon as I start g some cash from them I'll post. But from soma other folks:

The Cyrkle (sounds like some New Age Wiccan group, or terminally dyslexic dweeb)

And here's Rory, with The Taste

They were my earworms, now they're yours. Bwahahahahahahah

Economic Stimulus - Everybody Gets A Pony!

2011-08-19T17:47:00.005-05:00

The new "Everyone Gets A Pony" (EGAP) program stimulates job production in the Farrier (horse-shoeing) sector, as well as entry level employment in stall-mucking and manure handling areas of the economy.

It will enhance the pony-production industry, calling for the renewal of valuable pony stud service infrastructure.

The agricultural areas are not left out, indeed, the proliferation of demand for feedstock (hay) will be accompanied by an increased output of valuable fertilization products.

In addition, the stable and husbandry fields will get a shot in the arm, as pasturage and shelter prices for the ponies will display a dramatic upsurge due to increased demand.

This Act will appeal to the pre-teen girl demographic, which, it is well known, has its daddies wrapped around its collective little finger.

'Course, in real life what we've got is an individual mandate which targets a special interest, has huge costs, and the output is horseshit.

But we had good intentions.

UPDATE!!!!

You can syndicate any boat you row!

It's the Beatles, so you can't argue.

Top 100 F/SF

2011-08-16T18:35:00.002-05:00

The listings are from an NPR survey of some sort
The usual Bold Face for those read, with comments free and for nothing.

1. The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, by J.R.R. Tolkien Duh, yeah I've read it, maybe a dozen times. It's probably created more Fantasy addicts than any other work. But you never get off as well as the first time...

2. The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, by Douglas Adams Plot? "Stuff happens". But I read and re-read it for the fun with words.
Boiz liked it.

4. The Dune Chronicles, by Frank Herbert Worldbuilding on a truly Miffic scale. Then plug in a Russian novel. Then add sequelae ad infinitum.

5. A Song Of Ice And Fire Series, by George R. R. Martin I understand that this is now on TV. Don't have one of those.

6. 1984, by George Orwell A cautionary tale, well worth re-reading on a regular basis, if you don't mind having your heart ripped out. "No, do it to Julia!" Required for cultural literacy.

7. Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury Has not aged well.

8. The Foundation Trilogy, by Isaac Asimov Reasonably well written, but the "SCIENCE" is full of holes. Has not aged well

9. Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley Often compared to 1984, but somehow both more parochial and "intellectual". I suggest that you read it once, then go back to it later with a strong stomach.

10. American Gods, by Neil Gaiman Just plain fun for the most part. Neat conceit, and very well written.

11. The Princess Bride, by William Goldman

12. The Wheel Of Time Series, by Robert Jordan

13. Animal Farm, by George Orwell Another one from the master. Four legs good, two legs...

14. Neuromancer, by William Gibson Early, archetypal cyberpunk, the characters are riveting, the dialog moves well, a couple slow parts, but it's still great. As all the rest of Gibson's stuff.

15. Watchmen, by Alan Moore I understand that this is a comic book (ooh, excuse me, "Graphic Novel") and a movie.

16. I, Robot, by Isaac Asimov Meh. Source of the Asimov Laws for AIs. FWIW

17. Stranger In A Strange Land, by Robert Heinlein Wherein Admiral Heinlein invents the waterbed, a new religion, and introduced sex to the world of Skiffy. Editors fled in droves. Hippies read it in masses. Strange world, huh?

18. The Kingkiller Chronicles, by Patrick Rothfuss

19. Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut For high schoolers and undergrads only. 'Cuz it's like, deep, man.

20. Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley Not a bad job of work for something tossed off in a weekend, but the movies are even worse.

21. Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?, by Philip K. Dick Far from the best of PKD, and I didn't care for the movie, either. Read The Man in the High Castle, or A Scanner Darkly, instead.

22. The Handmaid's Tale, by Margaret Atwood Meh. Pretentious bullshit, IIRC.

23. The Dark Tower Series, by Stephen King I can't read Stephen King. My mind hits a cliche, and I'm off supplying soundtracks. My problem, maybe not yours.

24. 2001: A Space Odyssey, by Arthur C. Clarke

25. The Stand, by Stephen King (see supra)

26. Snow Crash, by Neal Stephenson How could you not like Hiro Protagonist, and his teenage girl sidekick YT (that's "Yours Truly")? Has the same before-its-time problem in describing teh innertoobwebnets as Gibson in Necromancer, but still great even if OTBEd.

27. The Martian Chronicles, by Ray Bradbury Bradbury just hasn't aged too well

28. Cat's Cradle, by Kurt Vonnegut nor has Vonnegut.

29. The Sandman Series, by Neil Gaiman I understand that this another one of those comic book things. Like his stuff with like real words and things, but I don't understand the genre.

30. A Clockwork Orange, by Anthony Burgess

31. Starship Troopers, by Robert Heinlein Often misunderstood as RAH's prescription for a political system, it's really a coming-of-age YA piece by a man who could really write a good story, and set in a possible future.

32. Watership Down, by Richard Adams Talking bunnies. Siflay hraka.

33. Dragonflight, by Anne McCaffrey Meh. She turned it into an industry, so good on her. Just doesn't do much for me. Too girlie-pony for me.

34. The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress, by Robert Heinlein Is good. Was written when RAH's wife study Russian. Syntax reflects that. Prison colony on Moon (pardon, "in Luna") throws off shackles of oppressor Warden! Throw rocks! Is smart computer Mike! Read! Is good!

35. A Canticle For Leibowitz, by Walter M. Miller but it's been so long ago I recall only snippets.

36. The Time Machine, by H.G. Wells I'm a Morlock, myself.

37. 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, by Jules Verne Not nearly as bad as the many movies

38. Flowers For Algernon, by Daniel Keys

39. The War Of The Worlds, by H.G. Wells dnaw

40. The Chronicles Of Amber, by Roger Zelazny Good characters, but became a bit of an industry, which allowed him to do some better stuff, notable Lord of Light.

41. The Belgariad, by David Eddings

42. The Mists Of Avalon, by Marion Zimmer Bradley Read and then promptly forgot

43. The Mistborn Series, by Brandon Sanderson

44. Ringworld, by Larry Niven Lightweight fun, and easier to carry around than a TV

45. The Left Hand Of Darkness, by Ursula K. LeGuin

46. The Silmarillion, by J.R.R. Tolkien Sometimes you just don't need all the backstory

47. The Once And Future King, by T.H. White Great bit of YA fantasy, gave it to the Boiz who loved it.

48. Neverwhere, by Neil Gaiman Neat uh..urban fantasy? The dude can write, that's for sure. Can't imagine why he does so many comic books.

49. Childhood's End, by Arthur C. Clarke meh

50. Contact, by Carl Sagan Slogged through since it was on the girlfriend's shelf once upon a time. Poor writing, lousy plot, but, he's, like, Carl Sagan, dood Don't waste your time.

51. The Hyperion Cantos, by Dan Simmons

52. Stardust, by Neil Gaiman (see supra)

53. Cryptonomicon, by Neal Stephenson Maybe not SciFi by standard definitions, but still great. Don't sweat the math and the crypto.

54. World War Z, by Max Brooks

55. The Last Unicorn, by Peter S. Beagle

56. The Forever War, by Joe Haldeman

57. Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett So why are the Pratchett titles singled out one by one, rather than saying read the whole Diskworld series?

58. The Chronicles Of Thomas Covenant, The Unbeliever, by Stephen R. Donaldson Suck. Horribly unlikeable protagonist, poorly drawn alt-world, dreary dreary dreary.

59. The Vorkosigan Saga, by Lois McMaster Bujold

60. Going Postal, by Terry Pratchett see supra

61. The Mote In God's Eye, by Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle Good one

62. The Sword Of Truth, by Terry Goodkind

63. The Road, by Cormac McCarthy

64. Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, by Susanna Clarke long run for a short slide

65. I Am Legend, by Richard Matheson

66. The Riftwar Saga, by Raymond E. Feist

67. The Shannara Trilogy, by Terry Brooks Cups and Saucery from a master of the potboiler. Don't bother.

68. The Conan The Barbarian Series, by R.E. Howard Seriously? Shirley you jest.

69. The Farseer Trilogy, by Robin Hobb

70. The Time Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger

71. The Way Of Kings, by Brandon Sanderson

72. A Journey To The Center Of The Earth, by Jules Verne Standard Verne characters, standard Verne plot.

73. The Legend Of Drizzt Series, by R.A. Salvatore

74. Old Man's War, by John Scalzi Like it.

75. The Diamond Age, by Neil Stephenson Very good riff on the culture divide, as well as good action and compelling characters.

76. Rendezvous With Rama, by Arthur C. Clarke I remember liking it, but not re-reading it

77. The Kushiel's Legacy Series, by Jacqueline Carey

78. The Dispossessed, by Ursula K. LeGuin Supposed to be great. I don't know why.

79. Something Wicked This Way Comes, by Ray Bradbury

80. Wicked, by Gregory Maguire

81. The Malazan Book Of The Fallen Series, by Steven Erikson

82. The Eyre Affair, by Jasper Fforde

83. The Culture Series, by Iain M. Banks

84. The Crystal Cave, by Mary Stewart

85. Anathem, by Neal Stephenson I've liked everything he's written, but this just lacks a resolution.

86. The Codex Alera Series, by Jim Butcher But not the Dresden series?

87. The Book Of The New Sun, by Gene Wolfe

88. The Thrawn Trilogy, by Timothy Zahn

89. The Outlander Series, by Diana Gabaldan (Wait, what?)

90. The Elric Saga, by Michael Moorcock but I liked the Jerry Cornelius stuff better

91. The Illustrated Man, by Ray Bradbury meh

92. Sunshine, by Robin McKinley

93. A Fire Upon The Deep, by Vernor Vinge

94. The Caves Of Steel, by Isaac Asimov

95. The Mars Trilogy, by Kim Stanley Robinson

96. Lucifer's Hammer, by Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle Post Apocalypse, and it's not a man made disaster!

97. Doomsday Book, by Connie Willis

98. Perdido Street Station, by China Mieville The current darling of the lit-crit crowd. What's that line from Douglas Adams? Ah, yes. "Conceited Megapuppy".

99. The Xanth Series, by Piers Anthony Really? Bad puns and recycled fairy tales make the Top 100? No wonder all right-thinking lit-rary types shun the genre.

100. The Space Trilogy, by C.S. Lewis So yes he was a Christian writer, but as he pointed out himself, to be a good Christian writer one must be first a good writer. Ipse dixit.

SitRep

2011-08-08T23:24:00.002-05:00

Doing reasonably well, 2 broken ribs from a bicycle mishap, knitting quite well. TB treatment going as anticipated (sputuum cultures take 2 months to incubate, and the May sample proved negative - two consecutive negative cultures and I'm supposed to be cured). So that's that for the health and fitness portion of this program.

National health, though, I dunno. As a lifelong Libertarian, I can't help but say "Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah", but it hurts to do so.

It's real simple. The Government can't make jobs. They can employ people, but the money has to come from taxes. The money paid in taxes is mostly wasted. Little Billy Buckley used to say "Tsx money is a neat way to spend a buck to flip a bum a quarter", and he was right.

All the bullshit about pushing Grandma over the cliff is nonsense. The money isn't going to Grandma. The money is going to Grandma's government accountant and her supervisor, and the case specialist and the Social Security clerk and the ISO6000 consultant working to improve the efficiency of the system and, well, you get the idea.

And all of this network, all of this overhead, all of this surplusage, persiflage, embroidery, dead weight and dead wood, is where the money goes. Should the directors of Fannie MAe and Freddie Mac have been paid on the order of ten million dollars per month in "performance bonuses" for the work they did in losing billions with a B dollars? Why is the turnover rate in the FedGov sector asymptoticly approaching zero? Why is the only expanding source of jobs in the past two years with the government? And who is gonna pay for all these vermiform appendicese of the governmental excretory tract?

A very smart man, Jerry Pournelle (so smart that all I can do is point you at his weblog and let you bask in his brilliance), has suggested a one percent cut in actual spending - that is to say that the money spent should be one percent smaller. The miracle of compound interest tkes care of the rest. Not "adjusted for inflation". Not "under current baselines". Not "with Cost of Living Adjustments".

Using the sainted WFB's rule of thumb, that seventy-five percent of the expenditures are the cost of paying the chair warmers, then there should be no change in the benefits paid, just a few more empty chairs in the back rooms.

Now that I think about it, simple attrition should cover the budget cost. When the second assistant vice president to the chairman of the office of the local Medicare office retires, don't hire someone else.

Go to any government office, and look at the parking lots. There are more spaces for employees than for customers. Doesn't that tell you something?

So Here We Are Again

2011-08-08T21:59:00.003-05:00

Here's another

"Margaret Thatcher, Milk Snatcher". She was going to push granny off the cliff, along with her warmongering lapdog Ronald Reagan.

Instead we've got this:

I'm not dead yet.

'Sokay, they'll be back on Thursday.

Naughty, naughty

2011-07-18T22:39:00.002-05:00

The President of the Unhited States of Americais threatening to shut down the operations of the USA unless he gets his (as yet undefined) way.

What does he threaten to shut down? Mandatory payments to Social Security. Paychecks to serving troops. Medicare. Medicaid.

But the mail must go through! (Postal Workers Union). Twentyseven different Tsarships he has attached to the Executive Branch.

The man has decided to use spite to target the highest-profile and most obviously used branches. Close the museums, but keep the Department of Education SWAT teams on. Close the National Parks System, but keep the Department of Agriculture SWAT teams on moments notice, in the event of illegal sale of free range eggs.

This is not the first time this has happened. This is "nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah" negotiation.

This is Daddy Gov saying you can't have the icecream cone because I need the money for my private jet. This is bad faith negotiation.

Any "Agreement" that says that in exchange for a hamburger today I will gladly pay you Thursday recognizes that on Thursday Wimpy will claim that the arrangement was entered into without full understanding of the intervening economic realities that intervened and is of course now subject to renegotation due to the changed economic climate.

In exchange for jam tomorrow, we're expected to give money, not just today, but for generations, in the expectation of spending cuts diffused over the next ten years.

Lemme whisper into your ear. It ain't gonna happen. The spending will increase, the taxes will go up, but the Iron LAw says that the expenditures will not decrease. There may be a "nominal decrease in baseline spending".

Baseline spending is predicated upon a Ponzi scheme: inflation, plus underutilization, means that it can't work without more money.

We all understand "inflation", but "underutilization"? That means that not enough money has been spent. It works both ways: a policy that uses too much money would be efficient if itr just had more money, and the reason that the other policy is not working is that there's not enough money in it!

As PJ O'Rourke said, the best possible outcome of government spending is a public restroom.

I'm not a pundit, I'm not an expert in macroeconomics. But I'm not as dumb as I look, either. I recognized years ago that the ethanol for gas nonsense was mathematically unsupportable, and I may still have the envelope backs where I made the original equations. For the love of God, I foresaw mandatory insurance when it was disavowed in the 1976 Texas Legislature, and I foresaw the passage and later reccission of the Helmet laws.

Please allow me to phrsae this in simple phrases: Big likes Big.

Big Business likes Big Government.

C'mon, tens of billions to save financial gamblers from bad bets? I'm looking at you, Sherson Lehman Bear Stearns.

I'm looking at you Capital Bank.

I'm looking at you with a death-stare you dudes at Fannie Mae and Freddie MAc who dived under cover with performance bonuses in excess of $10 million per month of your term of employment. Having followed the directions of your political masters, you now get "performance bonuses" on the order of ten million dollars in what used to be good US currency for performing a massive act of fraud under cover of law.

Shame.

So...

2011-07-12T21:55:00.004-05:00

What am I up to?

Well.I had a neat 700 word entry that went away with a transient. No biggie. I had a nice weekend with the Boiz which netted then some actual cash money. I've realized that I can no longer pretend to be a friend with the Well Known What's Her Name. I'm pulling in a few bucks doin the writin', research, and editin' stuff for a former employer. The TB is still under control, but requires me to be at home M/W/F for the local drug distributor to make the home deliveries. I can see well enough to do the readin', writin', and editin' for a couple of hours per day.

A visit to an opthalmologist may be in sight (bad pun, down pun!) after I visit the clinic which houses my primary care denier. The appointment was made 3 months ago, and falls on Thursday of this week. With luck, I will get a referral for early next year. No, this is not Canadia.

Still, like my buddy George says, any morning I wake up a free man with toilet paper, I'm OK.

oddness

2011-06-10T05:46:00.004-05:00

Some musicians can't sing without an instrument, some can't walk and chew gum.

David Bowie is never going down as a great
guitar player, but he seems more at ease. He's been sighted many times sitting in on sax (with Mott the Hoople and with Queen), but even the most demanding wouldn't expect sax and vocals at the same time.

The Guitar God BB King on the other hand admits that he cannot sing and play at the same time.

Some cats just can't keep the juice in;

Rory GAllagher. Saw hin 3 times. This performance is actually rather tame for the dude. 'Course he daid now, poor dumb sunofabeech. Did you watch the video? Good.

Caught the man backstage after a gig at the Texas State Opry House. I asked him how he came up with the "guitar on a leash" routine, where he held the Strat in a chord position and just kinda, like, banged it along the stage behind him. Lots of overtones in the E min.

The response was: I did WHAT? There's a sort of demon that comes out playing live that never can come out in studio. Is that a Foster's! Damn, I didn't realize yall had that.

Wimmin

2011-06-10T04:18:00.003-05:00

Can't live without them, and you get in trouble if you're not creative with getting rid of the bodies.

Just thought I might fall in with a meme I ran across. Back in High School, my GF was often mistaken for Brooke Shields. My good. I understand that she's now a crusading lawyer in DC

Things are Bad

2011-06-10T01:14:00.004-05:00

Here's a link. I can't seem to get the image to download.

Go ahead, look now. They call it a "Special Operations Response Unit", but I call it a SWAT team. For the City of Houston Bus Service.

Lemme give you some background. I'm blind in one eye. I could drive, but it wouldn't be fair to all you victims of my lack of depth perception. My license to drive has not been revoked, but rather declined. This has led to lots of problems. Not the least of these is getting clerks to recognize a US Passport as valid photo ID.

But just getting around is the worst. I bicycle and use Houston's transit system. I've got a really nice bike - actually 3 of them. The Transit system, on the other hand, sucks.

I went to a "community workshop" thingie at Trinity Church this evening. Cunningly timed for 6p to 8p, Count 1 for Metro.

lt disenfranchised most Metro riders, who couldn't get the bus/train/horsedrawn trolley in time to get there after work. In a space usually used for wedding receptions, and big enough for a bandstand for, say, the Ramones, and space for perhaps 400 headbangers, Metro set up 30 easels with professional graphics (all of which were misleading, and many of which were demonstrably false), 1 interactive station, and one LCD projector for the mandatory Power Point presentation.

When the presentation started, I made a count of 16 citizens and 28 Metro employees. There was no question and answer period. Instead, the "meeting" was broken up into "discussion groups" (note that 2:1 ratio of paid flacks to citizens).

I had shown up (as a citizen/journalist, with the mandatory fedora and a list of questions in a little notebook, as well as a much larger notebook in which to write down responses. Well these fuckers cut ME off at the knees. No question and answer. No "with the history that Metro has of disregarding voter response dating back to 1983, and the flagrant moving of the proposed rail line from the voter-sanctioned Richmond Avenue route to the proposed Westpark route, do you have any reason to \expect the voters and taxpayers to trust you with their lunch money?"

Well, you can raise the question in the focus groups, which consist of you and 2 Metro flacks pulling down time-and-a-half for being there.

Here's another question: since the City charter dictates that agencies cannot use their own funds for advocacy, how do you justify something on the order of a million dollars per year on advertising in favor of rail bonds? (crickets chirp).

Here's another one: What about the cost overruns? The initial cost estimate for the piddling little Lionel train set from the Astrodome (where no-one lives or works) to Downtown (where no-one lives), and which stops running at 11 pm leaving the enhanced downtown workers stranded, was 300 million dollars, and came in under budget at roughly half a billion?

How about, how did y'all disregard carefully worded ballot resolution declaring that the newest rail line was to be run down Richmond and move it over by a mile or so to Westpark?"

A killer here: Why does the bus service have a SWAT team?

And last but not least, which one of you cocksuckers called in that damn Metro Police Nazi to follow me around? Don't deny it . I asked him. He told me that I was "an object of suspicion". Whatever that means.

So, in summary. Metro spent about 3800 bucks on bad signs, 15k in overtime, call the PP another grand, plus misc. In my mind it adds up to about $300 per person attending this Potemkin "Town Meeting"

Hidi James

2011-06-07T23:38:00.001-05:00

2011-06-07T22:37:00.003-05:00

Compare and contrast:

Versus

Boy, Would This Sell Tickets!

2011-06-03T00:38:00.002-05:00

Divorce Court! Hot Lawyer-On-Lawyer Action In Steel Cage Death Match!!!

You Just Can't Make This Shit Up

2011-06-02T23:09:00.002-05:00

This is Just whack.

St Louis Missouri cops, "in response to a neighbor's call" shoot and kill a man's harmless alligator. Oh, yeah, it was made of concrete.

The Fox News report tells a bit more. The guy was at home, working in his garage. The first he heard about it was gunshots in his back yard. Evidently the danger to the local population (and, more importantly, to Law Enforcement Officers) was such that the po-po couldn't be bothered to inform the homeowner of the threat in his own backyard. I don't know about you, but when I work in the garage, it's usually kinda obvious. Table saw noise. Cursing as the damn wrench slips. The occasional "ka-boom" as a batch of crystal meth overheats. You know the drill.

But NO. The 5-0 respond to a threat and they damn well take care of it!

The homeowner says he put the concrete crocodilian there to deter unwanted visitors. Shit, my ex used to have a shipping crate labeled "Caution, Venomous Reptiles" open within sight of the back gate. Well, it had been used to ship some cobras, but...

Liz! That sea serpent in the ground cover next to your pool? It could be next!

Will not be televised

2011-05-30T23:35:00.002-05:00

Gil Scott Herom

Crack cocaine blew his heart out. I don't (heart) his aggressive Negrotude, but he did have away with words. He peaked young - "The Revolutiohn Will Not Be Televised" was recorded when he .was 19. It's a shame, really

History

2011-05-30T22:47:00.002-05:00

At an old buddy's 0.5C birthday get-together, the talk tended eventually (as it always does) to the coming Zombie Apocolypse. I lamented that all I have on hand is a sporterized '08 Mauser in ought six. "That's like, a muzzle loader, right - pour the powder, then the bullet?_"
(Facepalm)
Describe the evolution of the metallic cartridge, from the '62 Henry, through the Krag, the Peterson, the '02 Springfield.
"So, you really pour the powder down the barrel, right?"
Guy knows shift patterns for the 3 in the tree 50's Chevys. Details on early strats. Serial numbers on vintage Les Pauls and Martins. Even realizes that jalapenos are an important part of this complete breakfast. But had never heard of John M9oses Browning (PBUH).
OTOH, he did admit to having a Mossberg 12g in the linen closet, and a S&W Chief's Special in the bed side table. OTOOH, last range tinme was ..like..maybe '88, no really '91.
Reprat facepalm

Life Imitates Art

2011-05-30T20:17:00.003-05:00

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the tornadoes started in St Louis, then Joplin, Missouri, followed by Oklahoma City. So we should be seeing Amarillo, Gallup New Mexico, Flagstaff Arizona, don't forget Winona, Kingman, Barstow, and San Bernadino?

Cause Nat Cole, he the man.

Get Real

2011-05-29T07:14:00.002-05:00

The .gov Body Mass Index tells me that I should weigh 175 pounds (call it 13 and a half stone) I'm six foot plus maybe an inch if I stand up straight in the morning.
I call bullshit. At 185 I look like a cadaver. At 201, I'm doing very well - the docs at the consumption clinic tell me I mustn't lose any more weight. (Yes, I can has TB). I feel really good at about 192, but I have constraints on my activities at the moment (I'll never fight welterweight again).
Now let's look at the Fed.gov. Bloated on pork (The Other White Meat!), and hideously, morbidly obese. Tipping thre scales at Trillions with a T of dollars. When I was young, I thought that a "trillion" was an imaginary number, just like "bazillion". Ah, youth and innocence.

Dead Letter Laws

2011-05-28T23:08:00.002-05:00

Is it just me?

The elected President of the United States declines to demonstrate his eligibility for the office. (This is not a birther argument). The courts uphold his refusal to provide proof as no-one has "standing" to raise a cause of action. So who has been harmed? is the question. The question not asked is "what is the law".

What we have here is a violation of the Constitution, made, by judicial fiat, a dead letter.

We lso have an extraconstitutional)"national interest"

A Cuppa

2011-05-27T22:01:00.003-05:00

This is not a cup of tea.

As is this 21st century retro chap-hop:

(Professor Elemental)

and also this:

(the Kinks)

Almost 40 years old

I'm a Lucky Guy

2011-05-20T15:48:00.002-05:00

When I was in hospital with the consumption, my father lent me his Kindle. Well, it bricked, and the replacement bricked, and I now have one slaved to my own Azamon account.

I've gone and hit the Azamon "Free Kindle Books" mart rather hard. Most of the free stuff is older, but I'm older, too. Economics from Basstiat! Lewis Carrol! Kipling! Chesterton! Belloc! All those dead guys!

A lot of this stuff is to replace things lent or given to others in the past. But seriously, free Mark Twain? Sign me up.

FREE! FREE! I've downloaded close to a hundred free books. A lot I've taken on spec, by reputation. But it doesn't matter. Because they're FREE.

(Collapses, sobbing: "Free books, no return date, why did I ever like crack cocaine when this was so close?)

Now what's needed is an armoured, waterproof, vibration resistant version - a Kombat Kindle, as it were _ that could put up with a cyclist.

Welcome to the Past

2011-05-10T22:47:00.002-05:00

You really can't make this shit up. ABC News reports that there's trouble in River City. (Warning, link auto-starts vid.)

Mullah Khameni has accused the "duly elected" President (snicker) of Iran of...

Wait for it...

Wait for it..

Witchcraft and consorting with Djinn! Black magick! (Sounds more serious with the 'k' at the end.)

The President of Iran (I won't try to spell his name, it takes me 5 minuted to unknot my fingers if I do) is a rather, uh, physically unimposing man. There is a definate possibility that he does in fact weigh less than a duck.

You Must Be Hiding Something!

2011-05-03T23:44:00.002-05:00

A recent no-warning warrent was served in So Cal (IIRC) on a notorious pervert. Seems he was downloading kiddie porn. Therefore the SWAT team was called in to break in his front door, stomp his head into the wall-to-wall, scare the living shit out of his kids to the point that they'll never trust a man in uniform again for the rest of their lives, and disregard 3 of the 4 rules of gun handling.
(For those that don't know, rule 1 is: all guns are loaded and I don't care if you just showed me thgere may be some trick involved,
Rule 2: keep the boogerehook off the bangswitch - finger OUTSIDE of the damn trigger guard,
3: muzzle never travels over anything it is not intended to destroy, and
4, make sure of what's behind your target.

Learn it. Live it. Or I will personally come and kick your ass.)

So this guy's offense was to have an unsecured ISP wireless spot. Well. good on him! The arguement before the court was taat "he didn't take sufficient precautions" to secure information.
To which I reply, and you may quote me, Bullshit.

HAd the guy had a simple password (like, say, password") would that have proved that the stuff came from his ISP?

You kow what I do? I give my card numbers on encrypted cell phone channels, and the request a confirmation number.

Waddda you mean, encrypted phone calls? Well. tell you the truth they're all petty much encrypted. Cell phones are pretty private. Cordless phones are not. H
arf link lznd lines are tricky to hack, but using the old rotary dial can be a handicap nowadays.

So let's review the evidence:

Unsecured WiFi - no blame
Secured WiFi - you must prove hacking

When the best hackers have bee subourned into the Fed.Gov, there is no arguement to support protecting access, and all arguements to the contrary.

Teh Stoopid, It Burnnsssss

2011-05-03T22:30:00.004-05:00

I used to get like really pissed at assholes wearing Che T-shirts. I may have to get over this.

'Cause the first motherfucker I see wearing an OBL T-shirt is dead meat, and there ain't a jury in Texas that'll convict me.

Look at the parallels:

Born to affluent family?
Che - Yes
Osama - born to obscenely rich family

Representative of Oppressed?

Che - MD degree
OBL - Civ E.

So there's the "simple man of the people" horseshit.camelshit taken care of

Job description

Che - Revolutionary leader
OBL - Revolutionary leader

Away from home:

Che - born in Argentina, revolutionary in Cuba
OBL - born in Saudi Arabia, revolutionary in Afganistan

Died:

Che - in Bolivia
OBL - in Pakistan

Recognition in a three letter group?

Che - Yes
OBL - Yes.
f
Distinctive facial hair?

Che - yes, an undergrad levvel silkey pony type beard
OBL - Yes, a venerable thoughtful professorial beard which could not be cut down with a herring

Hates the USA?

Che - Yes
OBL - yes

Killed thousands of innocent bystnders in the pursuit of aa greater truth
Che - yes
OBL - yes

Trell you the truth lads and lassies, I see no great good in this. That the man is gone is a cause for very kimited celebration, but every one of his flying monkeys (and, yes, I did choose that phrase with forethought) is still out there.

There are still minions willing ot sacrafice themselves on the bloodstained shrine of a god seemiongly as bloodthirsty as the gos of the Aztecs.

I'm running out of words here. Maybe more later.

Truely Perverse

2011-05-02T01:42:00.002-05:00

And yet so right, probably for all the wrong reasons. But I am the professional musician here, and here it is:

Tip o' the hat to Houston's Clear Thinkers, hotbed of comminists that they are

This is just fucking sad

2011-05-02T00:49:00.000-05:00

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/65_years.png

You Started It

2011-05-01T23:41:00.002-05:00

OK, Red, now the gloves are off. Talking Heads, looking to be an average ae of about 17. Tina Weymouth wants to eat your baby.

Psycho Killer. Heh.

Now for Liffe During Wartime

Dance with a message. From the same venue, different night, best as I can tell.

Twistey sky

2011-04-29T14:37:00.002-05:00

So our God-Emeror in chief has done exactly what in tornado relief? Remember, he is the One who sould roll back the seas (cause of all that global warmening stuff)

But boy could he get up and bitch and moan about Dubya not taking sufficient and quick action in supplying air conditioning for the busses that ended up dwownded. Like the folks who refused to leave 'cause there has no A/C on the emergency busses.

It's more important to make the makeup call for Oprah. Then head off to New Yawk City for another massive fundraiser.

I'm an old fart with nothing to lose, so let me tell you: the guy doesn't care about re-election. He's done the damage he can in 4 years. Now he's feathering his own nest. Seriously. If the Democratic Party were to run a primary challenge, he'd jsust say "whatever" and take off with an estimated billion with a a B dollars.

Our work is done here, Tonto. Nothing to see, folks, just move on.

Here's a concept to conjour: Teh Donald as a Democratic primary challenger. He could do it out of petty cash that his secretary keeps in the drawer near her lovely knees. Sorry, that was uncalledfor. Thinking about too many thigs at the same time, no doubt.

But Tuscaloosa? Ain't they all bigots and raaaaaascists? Serves them right. Just sorry that them ternaders missed that pesky Reynolds dood. I hear that he has protein smoothies made out of puppies every morning. That's what makes him so strong.

In a sense of duty

2011-04-29T01:46:00.002-05:00

And because he was a buddy of mine in high school. Well not really, but we dated chicks who were friend in high school, so the parties overlapped. Nonetheless, David Fallure has a neat blogsite up
Check it out.

More What You Pay For

2011-04-29T01:01:00.002-05:00

So a neighbor moved out and said, go ahead and adopt my bike. I'd never seen him ride one, and quite frankly doubted that he could.

The (free) bike was un-noticable under the vines and creepers that had overgrown it. Nonetheless, I spent the hour disentangling it from its vegatable friends. Found out that bot tires were shot. That the front wheel was a Moebius variety. Saddle rotten. Rack broken.

But, like, free, huh? New tires and tubes about 45 bucks. New rack, another 10. New saddle, $15. Halfway decent lock so I can ride it to the bar or grocery another $15. Oh, yeah. The frame pump and undersaddle bsg.

We're well over a hundred bucks on a free bike.

But what I want is a narrower wheel, maybe 1/25 in. andlose the real gears, turn it into as fixie...

Now I know that this is all silly. I should take my 80s Nishiki road/race frame and turn that one into a fixie. Niculturniy

What you pay for

2011-04-29T00:43:00.002-05:00

I'd had a neat little twistey neck desk lamp above my computer. (The glare from the screen sometimes means I can't see the keyboard. No helpful raised doohickies on MY home keys, no. To the children in the audience, the "home keys are where one's finger return when not in use, to wit, the middle row of alpha keys, leaving "g" and "h" out)(It was called touch typing).

So the little Earth friendly halogen/xenon bulb went out a couple months ago. Got a new bulb. (Don't Haogen and Zenon sound scarey?) Fucker lasted all of 5 weeks. Went to the hardware store (Lowes, which I hate with a particularly burning hate for being staffed by idiots with no knowledge of the fields, and stockers who consistently put things in the wrong bins, HAte hate hate. I also filled out a job app while I was there.)

Picked upanother eco-friendy product that made sense: a stickey-backed, LED, battery operated light to glue onto the shelf above my computer. I don't need a lot of light, just enough to find the home row, but rally.

The damn thing has one (count it, one) LED, plus 4 AA batteries. Plus 3 capacitors. Plus a heat sensor. Plus God knows what else. The damn thing cuts off from overheating every 15 minutes, and the damn adhesive has failed and it now is held in place with a C clamp.

Nexct time, I'm gonna make Joy Boone an offer on one of the broken bicycle frames in her junkpile, and run a damn gensey off of that. Multitasking! Yay! (The damn light went out again)

Sticker Shock

2011-04-28T23:24:00.003-05:00

Nor on a car or a house (Christ, house prices are plummeting all over the country, except here in God's own Texas). Not at the gas pump (I sold the Subhuman, Truckina Truckovna Truckskiey, to help cover bills last month, plus I don't have depth perception. Long story. I don't drive.)

Damn grocery store. Own-brand and generics were up, up, up, up, up. (Cue Mick and Keef:

The house brand saffron rice up from 2/88 cents (would you believe that this keyboard doesn't even have a key for the "letter c nwith a vertical strike? Shit.)

Generic whole wheat bread - 2 weeks ago $0.88, now $1.18. Every damn thing. I thought I was getting a deal on the whole boneless pork loins (hey, I'm a Cathoic, I can eat pork. Almost pure proteiney goodness, nearly fat-free. Pretty damn tasteless nowadays, but then so is anything). The I remembered that they were $0.99 er pound at this time last year.

"So", you ask the wise and mighty JC, "why are our prices suddenly defying the laws of gravity? Why, o savant, are they rising through the roof?"

So, grasshopper, Ima school you. There are 2 major causes for this disturbance in the force. The first is that the prices aren't really getting all thwt much bigger. It's that your dollars are getting smaller. "

"But Master, you reply, I just inspected the contents of my wallet, and they seem the exact same size!"

Yes grasshopper, and that reminds me to put up the rates for this dojo. But although the actual pieces of paper you carry are of the same size, there are now countlessly more of them, carried by many people. The amount of goods and services that can be purchased with them is still the same. The value of the currency has been debased. But nonetheless, the thing purchased may still be worth the price.

"O Master? Why do you use the conditional?"

I use the conditional, as you have so well noticed, my young follower, because the market is often perturbed. That is why I mentioned a disturbance in the force.

"O Grand Sensei, tell us more!"

Very well, I will. The condition I have before described is known as the market. From time to time men, not evil men, but misguided men, will declare: The Important Thing Is That Every Man Shall Own A House. Again, he may say: It Is Important That The Earth Not BE Destroyed!

"But Sensei, surely they could ban the atom bombs?"

Thet is not the destruction they seek to avoid, my perceptive student. The destruction they seek to avoid is...(ominous pause)...Global warming!

But, and mind well the lesson, my acolytes, this comes at a cost. And the cost is the burning of foodstuffs to power your mothers's selfish SUVs and minivans.

"But...why, o wise and noble Sensei", through the tears of the younger students.

It is meet and noble that we, the most advanced and formidable nation ever to exist on the planet Earth, should make this sacrifice. For, despite the fact that the actual growing of corn, its distillation, its transport to the refining and blending facilities, and the fact that it yields only 80% of the energy of gasoline at a cost of almost double the cost of gasoline, and that it causes accelerated deterioration of engines and yields inferior milage and performance, it is still a great maker of moneys for Archer, Daniels, Midland, and also for ConAgra. These great companies are the sails which move teh ship of state, and without everyone possible providing hot air, there might be no movement at all.

"But Sensei, that's just, like, stoopid" says one child. (note to self, set that child to breaking cinderblocks with her forehead next week. My Federation of Teachers membership may depend upon it!)

So the phone rings

2011-04-27T01:28:00.002-05:00

and it's a dear friend, who was my girlfriend back in the college days. I promised not to call her an "old girlfriend", so I hope the circumlocution works. She works at some skunkworks related to defense, or General Motors, or some other secret government program, and she'll probably have to kill me now.

It might cause her to lose a bit of sleep, but WTF, right? She now lives a shadowy existence between (redacted) and (redacted).

So (name redacted), this is for you. Hope to see you soon. But then you'll probably have to kill me. So let's just keep it with the encrypted cell phones.

Follow up on Texas City

2011-04-27T00:17:00.002-05:00

Reuters says 4 refineries wereshut down. AP says 3. Texas New Mexico Power says 6. TNMP are the ones supplying the electrons to the facilities. And they're the ones that should know. Bear in mind, I've spoken to all these folks.

The MFM are working from press releases, which I hac read and they are uniformly pieces of shit. I know my way around switchgear, the "reporters" don't. I'm still waiting on the Mostly Cajun dude to weigh in on this, 'cause he knows more about HV systems and backups thn I do.

With luck, there will be nore to follow.

I'm particularly concerned about reports that I have heard from those involved that it tooka matter of hours for the power to go out. I've worked on GenSets. power fails, it takes a good, oh, let's call it 5/64 of a second to spark up the genset and bypass supplied power. That it took (rounds 5/64 to 1/8, multiply, 8 times 60 seconds per minute gives us 540, times 60 again for the number of minutes per hour gives us

Teh stoopid

2011-04-26T22:18:00.002-05:00

Saw a thing on the innertubewebs the other day. A school district (in California, IIRC) is giving subsidies to families for computers. To be specific, Macintosh computers. The subsidy comes out to perhaps $500 per student for the purchase of a laptop.

Now I don't mean to start a flame war between Mac and MS users (I'm a Linux guy, got no dog in the ffight), but seriously.

5c buys about 1/4 of a Mac laptop. The school board claims that "they just want the students's work to be accessible to everyone". (Plural plus possesive, that's not a typo).

Here's an idea: use Open Office. Completely free, compatable with WinDoze, Macinto$h, and Linux.

Some of my kids's teachers use it, I use it everyday. Spreadsheets look the same in Excell, word docs open perfectly in Mac and MS.

What's not to like?

Texas City Goes Dark

2011-04-26T11:32:00.005-05:00

Texas City has had its share of problems. Pretty much blown up in 1947, again in 1985, and so on.

I'm finding cube root of fuck-all in the news about the power going down at the Marathon, Valero, BP, and Dow refineries. The Texas City Police are not answering their phones. Houston PD claims ignorance. The office of the US Rep for the area knows nothing, but the nice girl in the office said that questions will be asked. The FBI knows nothing, but claims that it's not their business anyway. I know this because I personally called every damn one.

For some reason I find it difficult to imagine all 4 of them just forgetting to pay their power bills. The APe and Rotters press services have taken the opportunity to note that local schools have been closed, and, ominously, that "flare stacks have been activated".Well shit fire and save matches! I used to live about 3 miles from one of those places, and I could read the paper by the light of the flare stacks most nights. That's what you do, you know?

It's not like a stray lightning strike took out a transformer serving all 4 plants. They're not even all that close together, they all have 64KV drops with their own transformers, plus co-gen, plus emergency generators. This was not an accident, this was not a co-incidence.

You may not know it, but that BP refinery alone processed about 5% of the gasoline used in the USA.

I have no idea whodoneit, but I'm pretty sure that it was indeed done. Bring on the Ramen noodles, and a rise in gasoline prices. Brought on by the damn Jew speculators, working with their friends in Saudi Arabia, conspiring to make YOU miserable.

Update! Officials at Marathon and Dow claim to have absolutely no knowledge of the cause of the blackouts. The Google tells me that the 4 did not share a common power supply. Virginia, at Dow's office in Flint MIchigan is an absolute charmer, and hopes one day to have the chance to set off a flare stack. It's traditionally done with flaming arrows.

Updated update. Mr Bill Day with Valero tells me that BP and Dow went down at about the same time, followed by MArathon and Valero some 5 to 6 hours later. Also, he informed me that Texas/New Mexico Power, the utility serving the area, has stated that all the outages were on the customer side of the drop. Furthermore, Mr Day told me that the problems develped over a period of hours, and were switchgear related. TNMP is claimig salt damage to comtactors, but that just don't cut it I've worked in the damn things, and the first thing you notice is the redundency. Then you notice the cathodic protection, and the corrosion tabs and whatnot.

Mr Day has been the most informative of the folks with whom I have spokenThe reps for BP,Dow,and Marathon were all professional but uninformed. The local police still are not answering the phone, and I have yet to hear back from TNMP.

Updated... Have just spoken with Cathy Garber, who, without naming the companies, confirmed that the problems were switchgear related, and that 2 of the outages may be related to salt buildup on their switchgear. (Switchgear, for those who don't handle big batches of raw electrons, is the generic term for the contactors, connectors, motor control centers, and all the stuff that draws the heavy amperage.) She also confirmed the 64KV power supplies to all 4 of the companies.

So evidently it's down to 3 more-or-less simultaneous power outages, plus the accompanying havoc, school closures, and scare mongering from the media. Just doesn't smell right to me.

Damn Doves

2011-04-26T09:54:00.002-05:00

Not the political or military types, but the Mourning ones. (We've got Mourning, Whitewing, and Inca Doves in Houston).

My mother claims that they say "who cooks for you". Which is odd, considering that the calll is put out by male doves, who don't cook at all, and a damn good thing it is or else we'd be having nests catching fire and useless roasted little eggs falling out of trees. An OGF thought the call was a bunch f owl, which scared the shit out of her, until I disabused her of the notion. I've always thought that they were trying to sing "I Am The Walrus , but could only get the "Koo koo ka choo" part.

This morning, though, I could swear that they were saying "Make up your bed!"

Getting old, am I?

Mr Prsident

2011-04-22T03:00:00.005-05:00

What's with this "Mr President" shit that goes on with all the exes? JImmeh Carter, for the love of God, is still addressed as "Mr President" after three decades of hitting his own thumb as a rep of Habitat for Humanity and as self-appointed ambassador to Cuba, sucking up to the Castro brothers.

He hasn't been "Mr President" since 1981.

Seriously, what's up with this shit? George Doubleyou (the original, first one) was adamantly against any sort of deification of the leader of the Republic. Prez Barry is about to turn 50. At this rate (absent healthcare reform) we're going to be stuck with asshole journalists doing interviews with him on the failure of Socialism in the US for at least another 30 years, and still calling him "Mr President"?

NO. No no, no, no, no..

"Yo, failure dude"might be accurate. I've seen interviews where GW Bush was addressed as "MR Bush", but not where Happy Willie Clinton was addressed as anything but "Mr President".

What was he? King of the fucking world? Huh? The man was elected, had a job, and no longer has it

Is it a matter of respect? Yeah, you and me and Aretha Franklin. TR insisted on being called "Colonel" after his first term. He'd at least EARNED the rank, right? I k now a lot of retired military who are flattered to be called by their retirement rank. Colonel Whosit. Major Wassisname, General Icantremember.. But every damn one of them has been happy with my introduction: I'd like you to meet my friend, Billy Icantremember. He was a General in the Army.

There is an exception to be made here, literally hammered into my young head. There are no ex-Marines. Colonel S set me straight on that. "US MARINES, RESERVES, BUT STILL THE MARINES".
He lets me call him Dale, but prefers "Sir".and I go along with that, because he may be almost 80 years old he can still probably kick my ass. He told ne that I'd never make it in the Corps, because I was a gentleman. "And there's no room in the corps for gentle anything!" The man (God bless him) does not have an indoor voice. Beer drinking on the patio was another matter. Once, amny years ago, he informed my father of an incipient problem. "Jim", he said, "we're damn near out of beer, and there is a serious lack of pizza in the zone" As a senior officer, he knew how to delegate.

The order for the pizza went to Valians Flying Pizza. This was around 1974, Decades before the concept of pizza delivery. The pizzas were much better, but you had to pick then up. You could call for pizza for pickup. though, and Valian's )which went out of business around tht time) had the best.

So who gets deputized to get the pizzas and a case of beer? Me. ?

A 15 year old VW Beetle with a stick shift? And a fourteen year old driver? It's closest to the curb. And you're the only one not drunk yet

So, naturally, I am sent to pick up a case of beer and a bunch of pizzas. In a VW Bug. With a manual transmission. At age of 15. Having never driven a stick, much less in combat, and let me tell you Houston Texas traffic has ALWAYS been combat.

For the record, the backyard gatherings generally included a number of Olympic medalists, University professors (right around the corner from Rice Institute), and some of the more aerobic members of the local professional football team. I actually ran pacng laps for Leonard Hilton, who (at least at the. time) held the record for the most sub-four-minute mile races. Contrary to opinion, he held Jim Ryun in high esteem, as well as Frank Shorter. An incredibly private man, I recall hearing him say (with his hsand hooded over the telephone, and i quote: "I love you too". To his wife. Knowing that half the people in the background had been involved at lrast to the point of being ushers. oor guy. Didn't even make it to the age of 60.

But, the again, running is not a key to health

Quod licet Jovi, non licet bovi

2011-04-20T23:45:00.002-05:00

There's a word: PRIVILEGE. It means a special set of laws for the exalted. For those without Latin, the head translates as "What is permitted the Gods is not allowed the commones", or literally, "What's allowed Jove is not allowed the cattle. Same difference.)

The Legislature regularly passes bills which exempt them from the effects of the same ligislation. Xopnme of the more egregious examples include Occupational Safety and Health, Pension, Fair Labor Standards Practice Act, and Medicare/Medicaid. The standards of ethics are of simular rigor.

And let's not even go into the prevalent policy of "Make it so". That might work for Picard, but he can stil find his ass in front of a StarFleet Commission of Inquiry and Court-Martial.

Congress passes laws. There is no provision for turning over the making of laws to a bunch of minions. At least not in the copy of the Constitution that I got for free from The Heritage Foundation many moons ago (they still have the deal, too. Get yours now!).

Still less does that battered old bawd, the Constitution of these United States, allow for the President to say...""Well, I like this bit, but not that, and the part where they said I don't have the power to appoint and pay huge salaries to Tsars and their staffs, well, that's just mean and I won't go along with it!".

Well sorry ChumpChange, that's not in the rulebook. You think the rules don't apply to you. Allowing tens of millions of dollars in illegal contributions by unchecking a default setting on the damn PayPal button? Must have been an inadvertant, misguided action by an overenthusiastic fundraiser.

Yo, law perfessor dude! The actions of the servant are the acts of the master. Not new stuff, I'm your age and I learned it WITHOUT going to law school! (B-law,undergrad, Rice U '81, Hank Hudspeth, prof). If you have a problem with that then we can talk DUE DILIGENCE, huh! The link's to a PDF, so it must be serious.

Damn, I just get so tired sometimes, fighting off teh stoopid. It's not enough that I have a damn debilitating diease. No, there's all sorts of special pleading for exceptions. Try reducing all of this crap to cop-versus-driver. Sec Treas: "Must have been a fault with my speedometerthat caused me tnot to pay my taxes". Cop, "Fine, tell it to the Judge in the morning". Sec Treas "But I'm IMPORTANT!". Cop, "Fine, tell it to the Judge next week after I've filled out your IMPORTANT paperwork. If I can find it." ("Asshole")

So, how's that "Liberty and justice for all" working for you now, huh? You have tried to set up a seperate but unequal system of laws for you and yours. I won'yt deny that this has occurred in the past, but I will defy you to find a more blatant and one-sided version of the game.

Old Sam Vimes had it right: " the more laws there are, the more criminals you'll find". And the more different types of law one has, the more the disparity.

Privilege. It only works in secret, and it ain't secret no more.

Must be doing something wrong

2011-04-15T00:24:00.002-05:00

This blog is now reading at a measley 38 per cent. evil.

Curse you Red Baron!

"Eeeeevil Nazi robot zombies!"

There, that should help.

Sodium Bicarbonate

2011-04-15T00:10:00.002-05:00

About 35 per cent is put into small bowls to be left in fridges, and then dumped. 2 per cent. is used for tooth cleaning, and about the same is used as an antacid. Perhaps 1 per cent. is used in baking (we're talking Baking Soda here after all)

The remaining 60 per cent. is used in cooking crack cocaine. Ummm, yummy yummy crack cocaine.

Oh, and a vanishingly small fraction is used with lemon juice to power model rocket cars. And boats. And rockets. And other fun stuff.

My Medical Adventures

2011-04-13T23:52:00.002-05:00

I had this great post, but the damn machine ate it. You get the short version.

Me: rampaging Tuberculosis. Now completed 3 months medication.

Hospital visit: Tachycardia? No, punk rock. 10 min lower key musical fare and my pulse is down 30%. Called by "Primary care provider", who is an absolute stranger to me. Plus she's an intern (you can tell by the coats, and by the way they handle their stethoscopes. Longer coat, more senior. Hospital embroidery more senior than College of Medicine. Stethoscope carried like a talisman = junior. Head of stethoscope carried, by accident, inside cup of coffee = senior resident. "Where'd I put the damn thing" = senior staff)

Not just an intern, but one who looks as if she was about to say "Hi!, I'm Wendy, and I'll be your server today!" Nothing personal. Shje seemed perfectly professional and nearing competence. I'm sure she'll grow up to be a fine practitioner one day. As opposed to her leading resident. WHO PROBABLY TYPES IN ALL CAPS. Shouted the whole time, actually. Gave another diatribe on the eeeevils of tobacco, and how the world would be a better place if Sir Walter Raleigh had just exterminated the fumacous brutes before the habit caught on, and the eeevils of alcohol, and how it's not even a reliable sterilizing agent. He wanted to know why I had taken it upon myself to GO AND READ UP ON THE DISEASE. I told him that I had merely re-acquainted myself with some of the more recent culture media, and why were they still using the 1950 standard with a 2 month incubation period when the newer agars could breed results in half the time. Mentioned the fact that I had run a fucking clinical lab and had the same access to Wiki and all the other research tools as any other sombitch. I liked the research database at Johns Hopkins, and would he please use his indoor voice.

He'll probably end up as a rather disliked hospitalist, with ulcers and 2 Jaguars by the age of 30, and deserve them. He won't have patients, he'll have cases. Shithead. Maybe he'll grow out of it. I hope so.

Finally, returning to my case, I was asked about the dyspepsia brought on by having to swallow 20 pills in one go. I responded that I had had no relief from Tagomet, Thisomet and Thatomet (all by generic formulation names) but had found one palliative. In desperate search of medical knowledge they asked what I had found.

Baking soda. Sodium Bicarbonate. Still got the runs that accompany any heavy routine of antibiotics, but I can actually move about without severe stomach cramps.

Note to self: Phoenecia market for drinkable Greek yoghurt.

You really didn't want to know.

Good news: I should be cut back to 2 rather than 4 antibiotics starting Friday. One chance in four that it will get rid of both the hives and the cramps, but one must hope.

From the other site

2011-04-07T23:18:00.001-05:00

Lent

I'm a semi-observant Catholic, and I cook.

Meat prices are rising and going to continue to rise. Personally I blame corn ethanol. All that corn that used to make tortillas, cornbread, and bacon (it's the main feedstock for cattle, hogs, and even dogs and cats and if you don't believe me look real closely at the ingredients panel on your big bag of Purina Large Animal of Your Choice Food). Instead it's being turned into whiskey and burned in cars and trucks. (End of ride on that particular hobbyhorse)

But you know what's cheap? Seafood! (Yay!)

Me, I'm lucky to live on God's own Texas Gulf Coast, but the price of shrimp, scallops, and all sorts of fish has been decreasing in inflation adjusted dollars. Fish farming is growing like a venereal wart, especially in small countries that don't use a real alphabet.

So in the spirit of Lenten observances and good food, lessus have some SEAFOOD!

Here's one, free and for nothing, Shrimp Dra Diavlo sort-of-thing:

Ingredients: Read the damn thing. I'm not real big on units when cooking, other than for baking, and I don't do that anymore. This is a recipe for 2.

Sautee in a big skillet at medium high sort of heat a big handfull of onions and peppers. I tend to get the "3 Pepper and Onion Blend" from the local grocery, and use about 1/2 a bag

Add a half of a mess of garlic. We've got sriracha coming in later, (If you don't know, sriracha is a wicked Asia blend of garlic and hot peppers. Comes in a convenient squeeze bottle, Has printing on the front of the plastic bottle, in green. Has a rooster on it. Some folks call it "rooster sauce") I get the quart jars of minced garlic 'cause I'm lazy. I've spent too much time in restaurant kitchens "re-chopping" garlic that some minion thought was good enough. When you start to smell the garlic,

Add about a pound of cleaned shrimp. That means heads, shells, tails, all that stuff OFF. This is gonna be good, and you won't wanna have to fuck around with "some assembly required" when it hits the table. This would be a good time to add some basil - maybe a teaspoon - and some oregano (if you really have too, use just a little bit, and this is only if you insist on calling it an Italian dish)

When the shrimp are almost done dump in about half of a can of crushed tomatoes. The standard can size for crushed tomatoes is 28 - 30 ounce, so dump the remains into a nice jar or something so you can use it the next day. Now here's the great part. Sriracha! Blurt forth a reasonable amount, stir it in and wait for it to bubble.

Pour it over pasta or rice. You did read this through before starting, didn't you?

Over pasta you've got the EyeTalian classic Fra Diavlo, over rice you have Camerones Enchilados.

Protip: add some cooked chopped BACON at the same time as the shrimp.

Super Protip: Buy bacon ends and pieces in the 3 pound box. Cook in massive quantities, chop, and store. Some kitchen professionals like to keep "just a pinch between the cheek and gum" (as the sainted Earl Campbell used to say in the Copenhagen ads). Cutx down on nicotine fits in the high stress work of running a restaurant kitchen. Seriously. I mean it. And keep most of it in the freezer, because, let's face it dude, that much bacon, cooked and on hand?

Super extra special protip. You do a pot count on this? Do the rice or pasta in advance, and you've only got 1. count it, one, skillet to wash. Get rid of the shrimp hulls and rinse the pan and dishes, unless you want the kitchen to smell that way in the morning. It's not too much to ask. And she's worth it.

Let's break it down:
Plant matter (1/2 bag pepper & onion mix) = 0.50
Shrimp (1 pound @ about $5/lb) = 5.00
Pasta or rice = 0.65
ATW (restaurant shorthand for "all the
way" - salad, side, french bread) add another =4.00
Total: =10.15

Compare and contrast with same at decent Eye-Tie Bistro or Spanish place at about $20 per person for the same meal.

Do it at home, impress the girlfriend, spend ome of the saved cash on an upgrade on the bottle of plonk.

You go, Tiger, now show her how good you are out of the kitchen. Maybe you could be nice and let HER cook breakfast.

New Blog

2011-04-07T23:01:00.002-05:00

I've started a new and different (from this one, at any rate) blog, JC's Guy's Guide.

A guide to survival for the single man, be he recently divorced, separated, of graduated. You're on your own now, learn from my mistakes. Comments will stay enabled until I become famous enough to attract trolls, who will be slain by my orc minions, and Reproduction are the driving forces of man.

Well, you can find it in the bloglist (I'm such a linkslut). So far it's still in the kitchen: hardware, recipes, &c. I may give myself a longer leash there.

I'm thinking like "Guide to Manliness", but with cursing and more beer. More a sophisticated redneck approach.

There will be occasional cross-posts.

You Know You're Good

2011-04-05T21:05:00.002-05:00

There are times when you just know.

It may be something simple which yields a degree of confidence and competence. "I just told him to clean the battery contacts with a pencil eraser and put the batteries back in. Now he thinks I hung the moon!". That's one. Here's another one: "I'll be over in half an hour with new start and run caps for your A/C, and you'll be frigid again in no time." (Used IRL with the X, and 100 per cent. true).

But those are but hollow victories, playing against the Little Sisters of Charity Football team, as it were.

"Bro, can you come over and help me pull the dash on my antique BMW?" "OK, give me an hour, have beer ready" ... "So the problem is...?" "Gotta pull the heater core, it's not transferring sufficient heat energy through the [MEGO])". "So, you DID flush the heater core, right?" Explanation ensues with practical demonstration and display of efficacy of technique. The difference is that the first two were innocents. They really had no idea. The second a real life mechanic who just wanted me to give him a hand with a task that really requires more hands than are standard issue on a human. That's really nice. Self-affirming, really.

But real good words from real pros - that what makes you smile after years have passed. When I was just a young white blues player, I was walking home* fom a rehearsal, through a "bad neighborhood" well after midnight. I heard the unmistakable sound of live blues from a club I had hardly noticed in the past. I walked the block or so out of the way and found a neat little blues dive, with the band just taking the last break of the night. Being young, brash, and in over my head, I did the only thing I could: I asked to sit in on the last set. "No problem" I was told, "We'll start with a standard twelve bar by my cousin Freddie King, It's called 'Hideaway' . "That's OK, I know it" Here's the song:

That's not a "standard twelve bar blues". I just asked him if he could hold the Peter Gunn part for twenty four bars, and do that descending lick three times through to close.

The band came up and (name redacted) said "and we got a honkie wannabe joining us on this first one".

So we did. I pulled the Peter Gunn theme into the appropriate part, didn't miss a lick, and doubled him down on the descending lick (you really must either know the song already or listen to it through the link to understand just how impressive it really was);

Preparing to leave the stage after that tune I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Not so fast, white boy, now we're gonna have FUN!". Following therewith a good three hours of good natured jammage, mostly after hours. The club owner gave me a ride home in his Cadillac, and told me I was welcome any time.

I still don't know why I don't play my guitar more.

Democracy in the Middle East

2011-03-26T23:54:00.003-05:00

My prediction is for the classic version.
One man, one vote, one time.
Then the Mullahs take over.

I've been an informed amateur student of the Middle East since before the Ayatollah, andI agree with the sainted PJ O'Rourke (quotation from memory) "One by one and man to man Arabs are the salt of the earth – generous, hospitable, brave, wise, and so forth. But get you in a pack and shove a Koran down your pants and you act like a footlocker full of glue sniffing civet cats"

Ok, I double checked it and I left out the "footlocker" part I have Muslim friends. Each one is a wonderful person. But as soon as they get back to Karachi or Riyhad or whereve3r, they turn into antiSemitic, hateful, woman-oppressing, Islamist jihadist assholes.
No shit, and I'm looking at YOU Pascal particularly. Your mother and I expected better of you.
Let's look at the typical responses of typical Americans versus those of typical Islamists:
Trespass: Clint Eastwood version: Obtain weapon, shout "Get off my yard"
Islamist version: Die Infidel scum! (launch missiles and mortar fire at women and children in the next subdivision).
Insult: (James Coburn version) "Smile when you say that".
Islamist fersion: "Die, uncircumcised sons of monkey pig-dogs! The hand of the righteous is upon you! "
Don't like the Neighbors: (US version) Create satirical situation comedy, being sure to cast the castigated neighbors in a sympathetic light.
(Islamist version) Set bombs in marketplaces, busstops and other areas heavily trafficed by women and children.
Shooting War: (Western Civ version) paint all weapons the same shade of green, have soldiers wear uniforms, protect women and children
(Islamist version) Wear local clothes, cover faces, hide weapons emplacements in churches and schools. Then disguise yourself as a woman in a burkha and escape.

Now here's something that the Anti-Western_Civ folks have picked up: hiding the face. I don't like it.

Wassamatter? Ain't you PROUD of what you've done? Somebody else might steal your thunder, claim to have been the chickenshit that threw that bomb that killed those folks waiting for the bus, that high school field trip of young flks learning about multiculturalism.

You Islamists, who care for People of the Book as your Prophet (PBUH), wazzis with the yid hatred? They have the dietary rules closest to yours. The only difference between Halal and Kosher is who says the words. (Notice alphabetical order).

No, it's got to be "Me against my brother, me and my brother against my cousin, me and mt cousins against the village" and so on. Your belief system is defined in terms of enemies, and you'll never run out of them. Not so long as I draw breath.

Like Communism and Fascism, Islamism will only prevail when it is universal. This cannot and will not happen, although I cannot say that I foresee a terribly bright future in the short to medium term.

Our arsenal of freedom is being depleted. The most essential and portable of weapons, the human voice, is being hobbled in defense of the "feelings" of others. I risk prosecution and lawsuits if I offend the easily offended. This legal Jui-Jitsu is being employed to great effect throughout the Western world, in Scandinavia, in the UK, in France. There are areas of de facto Shari'a rule.

There's also a clause in the immigration laws that asks if one advocates the overthrow of the government by force. Enforcement of that clause might pull a lot of "student visas", greencards, and so on.

There are schools, madrassas, recognized by local school systems (and mine is one) which teach nothing but the Qu'ran. Let 'em do it in Sunday school, like the Babdis, Whiskeypaleian, and Cat-o-licks do.

Don't folks realize that every concession to Islam is a step in the direction away from the establishment clause? Allowing Shari'a courts is exactly that, the establishment of a recognized religion as being outlide mundane legal authority?

Our own petard, our own rope. Are we really this stupid?

Not so long ago

2011-03-18T21:53:00.003-05:00

folks listened to music that had a message that didn't require Derridian analysis or a PhD in sociology.

When I was doing regular construction work every damn finish carpenter (not the ESL workers doing the framing), every plumber, and every electrician on a jobsite would get together and agree on the station of the day. MWF, classic country, TTH classic rock.
By the way, do YOU know why Johnny Cash always dressed in black? Answer in comments

Whatcha Pay Fer

2011-03-18T21:39:00.002-05:00

So, that $99.99 reman WinDoze box from Microcenter? Is it relly supposed to take over 90 minutes to close WinDoze? Didn't think so. Sent the Minion to swap it out (after all of 5 day as a member of the family), and set up the replacement. This one lasted all of 20 hours in the household before catastrophic system failure (sounded like a dead hard drive to me- booted, started, died when had to spool).
I'm beginning to think that the failure rate on these suckers is unacceptable. They're rebuilt by an outfit called JoySys. Now I'm not saying that they suck, I'm just saying that they're 2-for-2 on fail for me.

Dear Sweet Mary and her Seven Dwarves

2011-03-12T22:31:00.004-06:00

Forty sneezes in under two minutes time. Shoulder dislocated and neck nerve pinched from trauma. Must take drugs and assume supine position to avoid further damage. Updates will follow if I survive. Pray for me.

Bologna

2011-03-12T17:46:00.002-06:00

Makes a decent sandwich, but it must have ketchup. Bologna sandwiches are a jail staple, but with mustard. Ketchup can be used to simulate blood, and put the whole area on lockdown. \
Donald Westlake had a character named "Mologna". which he claimed was pronounced " Maloney", to rhyme with "Baloney", to fit in with the Irish cops.
This has been your Bologna update for the day.

A Bit Of A Follow-Up

2011-03-12T14:17:00.003-06:00

Copied off my bookmarks folder to the new box. I'm a bit of an OCD on organization. Folders, sub-folders, sub-sub folders... You get the idea. About of them are helpfully labeled New Folder". "Stuff", "More Stuff". "Nerds" and things of that nature. Close to 300 bookmarks. Jeebus!
That's OK, I know what they are. But it may in part explain the paucity of my linklist on the sidebar. As in, it ain't there. I started one but it looks like the Blogger service ate it. I hope it gives you horrible embarrassing but odorless gas in socially inappropriate occasions. I don't want any collateral damage.

New Box

2011-03-12T13:51:00.002-06:00

$99.99 at MicroCenter. I had a decent flatscreen monitor on hand, plus extra DVD drive amd memory expansion cards, but form factor won't work with my wireless, video, and sound cards. No, I'm not a hardware geek, I just happen to have a parts bin of stuff pirated off dead boxes.
I still love my Linux netboo k, but sometimes you just gotta have WinDoze. Now I've just got to gert used to a full sized keyboard again (Yay!). Already duplicated all the files, bookmarks &c onto a tflash drive the sixe of my thumb that holds the equivalent of a moving box of floppy disks amd cost $5.00. I really do date back to IBM punchcards, and I actually used cassette tape drives back in the days of DOS.
Damn thing sounds like a fucking F-16 powering up for takeoff, though. Need a new amp to drown it out. (1970's Marantz is suffering term,inal preamp failure), so I may be off to AzaBayList for teh cheepness. Wadda you want of a lousy C-note? Rubber Biscuits?

Couldn't Resist

2011-03-12T13:47:00.002-06:00

Probably in poor taste, but WTF:

Go Go Godzilla. I must admit, he's my favorite Japanese (Nihongo?) movie actor. Also the only one I can name.

Carnival of the Pig!

2011-03-10T19:55:00.004-06:00

The local (Texas) grocery chain HEB (stands for the founder, whose last name was Butt, and whose first name was HE, as best as I can tell) recently had a special on whole boneless pork loins for like $stupid.67 per pound. Therefore I ended up with about 25 pounds of pure oinkey goodness. Gotta do something before they all turn green.
Step 1. -Divide into manageable chunks - about 2 lb each
Step 2 - cut one portion into smaller chunks and brown
Now comes the hard part
Step 3 - place in crock pot with appropriate liquid
A - Hoison, ginger, onions, mixed peppers, apples, raisins, peanut butter, soy &c. Call it Thai
B - BBQ Sauce, ginger, and pineapple. Call it BBQ.
C - Salsa Verde . Call it carnitas.
All of this done on a hot plate - getting the gas on for the full stove and oven would be a couple of hundred bucks I simply don't have at the moment. Sear $ stew can rock, though.
I'm reserving a fair bit for chops and satay. Damn but folks love the Satay. Marinate in hoison, soy, PB, apricot jam, and a bit of wasabi. Skewer it, grill it, and watch it vanish!
Last time I did that, 10 pounds of pork vanished into 12 people faster than they could be cooked. Works with chicken, too. Get thighs on special, de-bone and skin, and cut in thirds. (Bones and skin go to stockpot, skim the fat for schmaltz - gotta have it for latke, nothing frys like it). (It's what you call poly-ethnic.)

I figured I Out!

2011-03-08T21:32:00.003-06:00

After careful monitoring of my upstairs neighbors, I have determined that they are not in fact (as sounds would indicate) raising domesticated pachyderms.
They are rather enhancing the Oil and Gas Industry by breaking in steel-toed boots for later use by real workers.

Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head

2011-03-08T20:10:00.002-06:00

Which by the way was a most reprehensible and awful song. The upstairs neighbor still cannot be bothered to turn the taps off fully due no doubt to the same upbringing which rquires him to perch on the rim of the toilet for standard transactions.
My manyth (I've stopped counting) call to the property manager yielded a piteous response that the help was afraid to enter my apartment due to my quarantine.
The leak isn't in a drain. It's a simple matter of replacing the stem, seat, and packing of the hot water side of the tub fill valve (might as well do both while you're at it). There's a hatch in the wall to give access to the shut off valves ("stops". we plumbing professional plumbing types call 'em). The job of work will take all of 10 minutes, and I can talk the guys through it over the telephone, in Spanish if needed.
The drywall and tile repairs can wait, all I want is to take a dump without getting wet.

Well, my Droogs

2011-03-05T14:57:00.003-06:00

It has been a while since last I posted. Life has been, um, interesting, in the proverbial Chinese fashion. I am now the proud owner of one massive case of tuberculosis, which I evidently acquired rather a long while ago, and which has been actively dogging me at least since August (in the form of a nasty persistent hacking cough) since August, but which was just diagnosed in early February, after a fun-filled week-long episode of coughing blood.
So now I'm under virtual house arrest due to quarentine regulations (thanks, WHO) requiring "Directly Observed Treatment", which means a nice little girl shows up with my medications individually packaged for the day's dosage and watches me swallow them. Presumably, this is because I cannot count, nor can I be trusted to take the damn pills by myself. This fine health care professional has been chosen on the strength of her clean driving record and her fluency in English and Spanish, and shows up daily between 9 AM and 2 PM like clockwork. Yes, you do detect a bit of irony there. WHO standards also dictate that I am not to receive visitors nor am I to leave my apartment. This means that the horde of supermodels that normally infest my humble abode must hide in the closet for the duration of her visit for some fast and hot girl-on-girl action.
At the time all this was transpiring, my neighbor with the unsecured internet connection disappeared, cutting me off from the inter-tube webs and most communications and news sources. This is ofcourse doubleplusungood for an info junkie like myself. I was forced into creeping through teh neighborhood and cowering in garages, siphoning off the stray cup of intertube as occasion allowed.
But no more! A hasty, near-ruinous, financial transaction with a local telecom has secured me access Al Gore's net-tubes. This was not without its own entertainment value - tech support asked me more than once what my operating system: Windows or MacIntosh. On my reply that I was running Ubuntu Linux, the reply was uniformly "but is that for Windoze or A??le? Then ATT, my ISP, declared that I could only register using either Internet Explorer (6.0 or above) or Safari (who really cares). We can't be bothered to support all those off-brand browsers, like, um, what was it? FlameWolf?, BurningDog? Oh yes, FireFox. A$$holes.

Neighbors

2011-01-26T22:53:00.002-06:00

The property next to my apartment has sold recently. I rather like the new owner, a man in his middle sixties with a can-do attitude and a hands-on approach. He has his own business which keeps him busy Monday through Friday. He's of the "early to bed, early to rise, keeps a man healthy wealthy and wise" type. I won't mention that Ben Franklin was a founding member of the Hellcats Club in London.
The crews he hires all speak English, and clean up the site at the end of the day (which is very different from, and better than, cleaning up at the end of the job).
He takes a personal interest in the work. This often means COMING OVER AT 6 AM ON SUNDAYS TO DO DEMOLITION WORK.
All I'm trying to do is sleep past the morning Mass when the ringing of a sledge hammer on a basketball goal post wakes me.
Blearily I approach with a set of mason's chisels, plus my personal favorite hand sledge. (It's a 3 pound Estwing. Not one of the other 3 that I have.)
"No, that's OK, this way works best with the ExPando SaCrete from the early 80s."
Dude knows his shit. He's wrong about the best way to attack it, but I'm impressed by his familiarity with late 20th century bagged redimix.

Edumicational Savings

2011-01-26T22:02:00.003-06:00

Here's an idea straight from the playbook of my close personal friend Kinky Freidman: Zero out all school funding for sport. It's bad enough in colleges, where even my modest alma mater falls in with a head football coach pulling down close to half a million per year, but for the love of the sweet baby Jesus and his eight tiny reindeer, $100K per year for high school? That may not be typical (those are LA private schools in the story), but how about this:
Texas high school football coaches in Class 5A and 4A schools (that's 950 students or more) earn an average salary of $73,804, while the average salary for teachers in those same schools is about $42,400

And that's just the salaries of the head coaches, not the assistant coaches, the uniforms, the bus charters, the legal defense funds, the liability insurance, the laundry (my old high school had a fundraiser for new laundry equipment - $65k, and that was with a substantial discount), chalk for marking the field, the practice field, the rental of the actual combat field (for schools that don't have two fields), a full time groundskeeper for the fields, and God knows what else. (I happen to know that in 1975 the Houston Oilers spent $42,000 on Athletic tape. Downsize a bit, then adjust for inflation.)

Well, you say, but don't many of the coaches also teach? Fine, I say and some do quite well as teachers(Hidy, Coach Pinkerton, Intro Physical Science!) but the point is to segregate the expenses.

The taxpayer should not cover jocks. If a school wishes to have an athletic program the program should cover its own expenses. Let them have bake sales or car washes like the cheerleaders do. Let them pursue local sponsors like Little League teams do. Have them covered with sponsor stickers like a goddam NASCAR racer.

If the fans like the product, they can make a mature choice of how to spend the money. They can contribute to the team, or they can contribute to the school.

The University of Houston a few years back received a donation of $50 million - earmarked to Football. That's what the guy wanted. No huhu. I give $50 to (redacted) and 10 per cent. goes to sport? Uh, no. Do not want.

(Full disclosure: Junior Highand High School Track and Field, JH Basketball. Images available at www.xkcd.com )(5-10 and 92 pounds? You bet.)

Travis Corcoran, lest we forget

2011-01-21T23:31:00.003-06:00

Known across the Blogosphere as TJIC (evidently his parents felt the extra name was significant) has had his personal property seized, his license to own, keep, transfer and use (evidently in Mass they're very orderly about that stuff) firearms revoked due to a blog post.

I remember the outrage surrounding this:

Wherein a well known musician rejoices in the sinking of a boatload of lawyers.

Oh, that's right! It was a JOKE!

On top of that, Travis's blog has been suspended by his ISP.

C'mon, folks. I've quoted Willy the Shake here - "First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers" (Hank 6, pt2).

The man is being persecuted, hounded, deprived of his rights under the First and Second Amendments, without a charge being raised against him.

Now get this: he has received offers of contributions for legal defense. Travis has suggested that instead the moneys be donated to the church of your choice.

Proud, yes. Stupid, maybe. Adminable, no question. If you're a fan of comic books (oops - graphic fiction), you might help out by steering some of your purchases through Heavy Ink. That's his day job.

(Update some month and a half later) I see that this post didn't get posted at the time, but TJICistan is still down , and I'm not finding much follow-up. This may be the fatal flaw in our bright shiney interwebtubenethighwaythingey - the short attention span. We are largely reactive creatures. We perceive a threat and react, but once the threat goes away we forget it. We must learn from our mistakes, or, even better, from other's mistakes, and remember. That's why I keep dead folks' phone numbers in my phone memory, and tht's why I haven't deleted http://tjic.com/ from my bookmarks.,

BTW, and a Propos of Nothing

2011-01-12T22:58:00.002-06:00

I "ran out" of cigarettes Saturday night. It's now Wednesday night about to roll over into Thursday. It's not like I'm quitting for the new year or something. I mean, I can start again anytime I want to. (Somehow, that sounds odd.)
Will dispose of bodies when it warms up a bit.
Snarl. snap.

On the Home Front

2011-01-12T20:17:00.002-06:00

I brought to the attention of the new apartment manager lady that the toilet upstairs is constantly running. "No problemo" she said a month ago. (The pipes come up from slab, feed my taps - kitchen and bath share a wall - and then ascend to the next level. The drains are also linked in series, so a sewer mains problem has their bath backing up into mine. Not nice.)
I called her again a day or so ago. "Oh, I completely forgot! Let me write it down this time" says she.
"It's not that it's a great problem, although it's a $40 per month drag to you. It dosen't bother my during the day, but at night it speaks to me. I hear ... voices".
Should get that taken care of pretty quickly.

New Years

2011-01-09T00:00:00.002-06:00

Didn't go out on amateur night, but an old buddy has a New Year's Day breakfast and Hangover Celebration. The pollo en mole went over pretty well. The sons were surprised to see their chemistry teacher, but managed to behave. Same for the teacher. Offsetting penalties, is what I say.
Dear Lord, it is to snarfle.

Sorry, my Droogs

2011-01-08T23:41:00.003-06:00

Been a while since we've been unindicteded co-conspiritors. The Darling Randi vanished for over a month, but has now reappeared.
My drafts don't work with the
ubuntu interface, but I'm trying nonetheless.

Bad Media

2011-01-08T22:59:00.002-06:00

I don't own a TV. Not bragging, it's just the facts, ma'am. I did however work for some years in broadcasting.

As I have a face made for radio, that's where I did it. I l have a voice trained on the stage and 35 years as a professional musician. Grocery clerks ask me to record their answering messages. I can read copy cold and make you want to sleep with it.

Unfortunately the market in radio is held rather closely, otherwise the last words you hear whispering into your ear as the radio fades out for the night might be mine.

The thing is that professional sales guys think that their skills translate into all media. The owner of a well regarded roofing company ends up sounding like an ill-prepared Mafia representitive.
His copy as read ends up as: We'll take ...Care of you...Just call us and we'll... make sure..that your...problems...go away.
Hey, I know the guy. Went to both of his daughter's Quincineros. He's just horribly mic-shy. Should have heard him at his oldest daughter's wedding.

But he thinks that, since he's talking about his work, the Muses will somehow elevate him to the level of Demosthenes.

What's worse though is when the poor SOB thinks that a 'celebrity endorsement' will help. The dude thinks that the poor professional ath-uh-leet will sound more persuasive than anyone else.

Come on. It just makes both of you sound like whores. The Celeb, for taking the joob, and you for offering the money. Fail/Fail.

Another option is to let the "on air professionals" work it into the usual patter. That ain't gonna work either.

You know why?

Because they've got a base of advertisers that they've worked into their rap. It's going to take dozens of reps for them to get the rhytym of your copy.

So, let's look at your options.

DIY: Makes you sound like a dork.
Celeb: Makes you sound like a whore
OAP: Learning curve like a glacier .

Seriously, get a pro. I need the money.

Personal

2010-12-16T00:30:00.002-06:00

Got some family health stuff to deal with. Prayers appreciated.

Slippery Slope

2010-12-15T23:51:00.002-06:00

Face it, didn't I tell you that the the gay marriage thing was all about changing the rules? All we want is the dignity of being recognised as Buck and Chuck, cuz we love each other. Plus the tax advantages, of course, and the pension benefits; but it's all for love, twue love.

Camel's nose, some of us said, slippery slope. But it would never.. said others.

Slippery slopes always getcha. The Constitutonal amendment enabling the Income Tax was originally written with a ceiling of 10 per cent,. as it was patently obvious that it would never ever ever get anywhere near that level, plus it was a temporary expedient to retire war debt. Yeah right.

Imagine this as a problem in hydrostaics. The government is a fluid, restrained within a pressure vessel. That vessel is the Constitution. The demands from the citizens exert a certain pressure.

There are relief valves - elections, amendments. These are built in pressure relief points; designed, engineered to allow the overall process to work.

But then someone says "We need another feed line from the M1 line, but it's not there! We must poke another hole in the presure vessel!". Voiding all warranty.

This is what we have - a well engineered Constitution so filled with "temporary" changes and riddled with bleed-off valves, fractionation columns and dubious patches that the original plans are not even recogniseable.

I breaks my little drop forged made in taiwan heart to see this. The Founding Fathers were pros in their lines of work.. Most of them were licensed Surveyers, which at the time meant that the were at the bleeding edge with maths and sciences (check your history as regards the development of accurate timepieces, just as a start).

These were men who had to write tech support, as it were. They knew their metes and bounds. They had to write so that it could not be misunderstood. It is my understanding that the Military Academies still have as a pons asinorum the writing of a set of orders that cannot be misunderstood, despite perversity.

Can we not grant that same quality to the old dead white dudes that wrote the Constitution?

Hate hate hate

2010-11-23T20:51:00.003-06:00

Not political, not social, but musical.

I HATE "My Way". Every damn celeb has sung it, from George Foreman to Mark Spitz. A self-congratulatory, narcissistic paen to Me ME only Me,, suitable as a theme song for the self-absorbed and creepy. Frank Sinatra himself didn't like the tune. (According to Wiki, it was commissioned for David Bowie, which would be a travesty of different sorts.) (I do love both David Bowie and Frank Sinatra, but really...).

The song sucks. Anyone who sings it is suffering from narcissicistic disorder and delusions of grandeur. The leels of braggidocio and hubris are incompatible with a decent life. And that goes for anyone who uses it as a music bed for a retrospective , a documentary, or a modest talent spot.

Curses on you, and on the song.

What's in your...pencil cup

2010-11-19T22:56:00.002-06:00

Tired of all the "what's in your wallet" commercials? Already heard Bilbo's "what have I got in my pockets" (and Gollum's "handses has to rate high).

My pencil cup currently contains: 2cleaning brushes from old milpec m16 cleaning kits, 1 pen=styled multitip jewelers screwdriver set, 1 diner fork, 1 high output LED flashlight, 2 cigarette lighters, 1 pack of Marlboro Red (soft pack), 1 pencil (sharp) and 1 ballpoint pen (functional). All this in an old Rice Hotel shaving mug.

Late Returns

2010-11-17T06:12:00.002-06:00

So as of a few minutes ago, there are still a half dozed HoR seats and one Senata\e seat still being disputed.

Uh, I forgot about this bag of soldiers votes,

Ooh, ooh, just found this bag of votes at the bottom of the lake!

Arf, arf, Timmy's trapped at the bottom of the well!

It just makes me sick. Every goddamn time it works out the same way - unless the Supreme Court takes it behind the barn and puts a bullet through its head,
Cheaters will cheat until they can't any more. Every iteration of a recount allows more cheating. Cheaters will change the rules after the game is played.

How did it get this way? Where if the honorable loser and the magnanimous victor? How did the process get to the point that fighting the good fight was not enough, but clawing and scrabbling in the pileup became standard? I mean, when the ball hits the ground, the play's over, right?

Compare and contrast

2010-11-11T23:28:00.002-06:00

Versus Johnny Cash

Talk about making a song your own.

Rememberence Day

2010-11-11T23:03:00.002-06:00

Check out Peter. The man's been through more than I can possibly imagine, and he writes like an angel.

MAWGs to Return?

2010-11-11T22:54:00.002-06:00

Plans for the MAWGS proceed apace. Middle aged Basss players are encouraged to respond.

Fuckety

2010-11-10T01:38:00.002-06:00

Hate to tell you this kids, but control plus just ain't making it no more. I am having trouble reading anything backlit. Need new glasses (or longer arms) .

Gave up TV about 30 years ago, at about the time I went full time for music. (Not as if I really covered bills that way).

What I got is called "situational Depression" - to wit: you've got a reason to be depresseed. Now go change something. That's a lot of help.

Fuggit

Dueling Keefs

2010-11-09T00:56:00.002-06:00

There's the Olberbeast, and by the way I think that his being denied his 1st amendment right to fre speech is an egregious violation of the recent Supreme Court decision against which he has railed so freely

On the other Keef,, Slate has a great response here.

New (ish) Stuff

2010-11-09T00:11:00.004-06:00

Things here at Castle Libertine have been moving rather slowly. The complex is in the process of being sold (after 6 months of "being on the market" - which is a 24/7/365 open house, and not appreciated by the tenants. The previous property manager, a harmless old dude and friend of the owner, has been evicted. Visiting his apartment gave new meaning to the phrase "impacted shithole". It was all clean and so on, but in five years the man had furnished his two bedroom apartment to the point that it took two moving trucks to evacuate his "keeper" stuff. The non-keeper stuff filled twenty one wheelie bins. Yeah, that was me.

On top of this, the dude was AWOL from Intensive Care for mush of the time. YT got him back to the hospital, by bus, in the midddle of the night, after his appearance on my doorstep. Not for the first time, either. Questioned for orientation, he got the day, month, year, and president correct, but blew it when he was asked where he was. "Bank of America" was not the fight answer.

I don't know for sure if I picked up this nasty bronchial infection at the hospital. I just hope I didn't spread it there. It's been hounding me for over a week, with nasty syncope and shit.

On the plus side, my old buddy RLHW has been in touch, and is giving serious thought to the MAWG (Middle Aged White Guys) musical project. Current parameters include no more than one rehearsal session for a one hour set. Power trios rule, and that's why.

I'm currently celebrating my one year anniversary of unemployment (without benefits). And turning 50.

Ouside the Statistics

2010-10-14T02:29:00.002-05:00

I'm not really unemployed. I got laid off of my job due to lack of demand for the product ( anyone want to buy a museum?) about a year ago.

I waited too long to apply for benefits, therefore my income (nonexistent) for the past 6 months does bit qualify me for Unemployment Insurance Coverage.

Stinkin' Pride kept me from going and latching onto the public teat, and now when I really could use some help I'm told that I don't qualify, 'cuz I've waited too long to apply.

This means that I'm not really unemployed, 'cuz I'm not receiving benefits.

I'm not the only one.

The "Unemployment" is the number of folks RECEIVING BENEFITS. Not the same thing at all.

Cuz I feel like it

2010-10-14T00:38:00.004-05:00

You got a problem with that?

Cuz I'm feeling wicked...

And cuz I'm depressed

While we're doing some head-banging, the top dude evah from County Cork

I feel better now.

Embiggination and enlouding are recommended. You may need to find bigger speakers, or patch into house sound system, assuming such a thing exits in your humble abode. It does in mine, and lemme tellya, it don't get much humbler.

Yeah yeah, so what

2010-10-14T00:07:00.002-05:00

Me, older.
Vodka? Yes
Marlboro? Yes
More vodka? Yes
The number's 50.
Now go away.

Rory tells it true.

All Time Greatest Beatles Tune

2010-10-13T17:36:00.003-05:00

Supports my theory, that if you can imagine Sinatra singing the song the odds are that it's a McCartney tune, If you can imagine Ray Charles singing it, then it's a Lennon comp. Love the necktie on Ringo.

Just Bugs Me

2010-10-12T01:34:00.004-05:00

A podium is the raised stage on which a speaker stands. It come from a word in Greek referring to feet. The lectern is the chest-high table sort of thing on which one places the pages of one's speech, or the book from which one is reading to an audience. From lectus, the Latin "to read". When one has fine distinctions to make, one must make those fine distinctions

If one stands upon the lectern, one is likely to fall, and perhaps dislodge the, oh, just for grins, seal of the President of the United States which has been glued to the front of the aforementioned lectern. Contrariwise, if one steps up to the podium one is either (a) very short , on the order of 6 inches overall height, or (b) has yet to come onstage.

By the way, what's with the continued possession of the the honorific "Mr. President" for POTUS emeritus? Once a King, always a King? I somehow think that GW (the original, POTUS #1) would object. He'd already slapped down "Your Excellency" as a term of address. It just chaps my ass to see Jimmah Carter still addressed in that fashion.

You deserve this

2010-09-25T03:51:00.002-05:00

My friends of the Fab Forty have been covering Beatles Albums. Now it's time for the Rutles

Irregularities in style.

2010-09-25T01:19:00.002-05:00

My apologies for the irregularities in the type and spacing. I tend to write on one box (Linux) and then post on another (windoz). The keyboards are different, the screens are different, fuggit. I just cut and paste from box to box. Don't you dare tell me that I'd be better off using Mac, or I might just have to reach through the intertubes and do you a violence.

Good Stuff Found on Internet! Stop Presses!

2010-09-25T01:16:00.002-05:00

This is the greatest book on the history of England e'er written. Seriously. All the good things, all the bad things.
Hey, it's a Gutenberg version,but still good.
Yes, it will be on the exam.

Bad Media

2010-09-24T22:45:00.001-05:00

I don't own a TV. Not bragging, just stating a fact.

That means that I watch the baseball games on radio, like God intended.

Which means I hear the ads going over the aether, which subsidize Milo and the Gang.

Christ, they're awful.

Probably the worst are those local cats who hire a semi-literate ballplayer to read bad copy.

No, I tell a lie. The worst are those who write their own copy and read it themselves. Mic-shy, they mumbleacross......... thecopywhich they .........themselveshavewrittenand........insert.....oddpausesbetween.....phrases.....whichshould.......have been linked. You get the idea. These are folks who by and large have been great salesmen in their lies, but who just freeze up in front of a microphone, and are too shy to ask for a re-take. But Hell, it's their own money and their own time. They're paying for their own vanity.

Those cats who pay the ballplayers to do the voiceover, they just teh stoopid. The guy's a professional ballplayer, not a voiceover artist. Give him his famous guy discount and run him out of the store before he upsets the real customers. Ask to use his name in testimonials, but don't put him on the air. It makes you and him both look like whores. Him, for accepting the commission, and you, for offering it. Now that I think of it, I imagine there might be some bit of turbulence between the affianced and the fiance. (Sticks fingers in ears and retreats to discreet distance).

That's OK, you say, I'll just give the copy to the broadcasters to read. (Pardon me while I go laugh and/or puke). Unless it fits the rhythm of the game, your copy is going to be read cold and bald on the interval requested. It could take years for the broadcasters to get into the swing of your copy, taglines, and so on. And the silver throat you relied on reading the copy might have to hit the head when it comes time to read the deathless prose about your siding product or regale the audience with anecdotes of your steadfastness as a roofer or car dealer.

Hey! You wanna know where all those old 8-tracks went? I'll tell you.

They're called “carts”, and that's where your ad should go. Bring them one.

Most folks are mic-shy. John Lennon, for example, used to use the half hour before performance vomiting. From stage fright. There's no dishonor in stage fright.